PokémonI’m a happy little trainer. Pokémon X and Y, the newest installments in Nintendo’s incredibly popular monster-collecting series, come out in less than a month for the 3DS handheld console. This means Pokénerds like myself will finally get to check out mega evolutions, one of X’s and Y’s more exciting new features which unlocks incredibly strong forms of some of the most popular Pokémon (like the Mega Mewtwo X pictured above).

Still, it’s clear that not everyone is going to get a mega evolution. And while we can’t say for sure who will get the privilege, we certainly have a good idea of which Pokémon won’t get the special treatment. But what if some of the ugliest, least popular, and ridiculous pocket monsters actually did get the evolutions? Well, it would probably look something like the five examples we came up with in the gallery below.

Mega Bibarel
Bibarel is the evolution of Bidoof, a Pokémon so useless that he makes Zubat look like Eevee (heh, Pokémon humor) . Still, maybe we can redeem Bibarel with a tragic backstory and a cool costume. He’s not the hero we deserve, but he’s … well, he’s still pretty lame.
Mega Jynx
Jynx is weird for looking way too much like an actual person. She also has breasts, which significantly adds to the creepiness factor. So let’s go all out and make her mega evolution a Jessica Rabbit knockoff.
Mega Vanilluxe
Vanilluxe is the final evolution of a sentient ice cream cone. Seriously, a Pokémon exists who’s a scoop of frozen dairy. Of course, Vanilluxe is a terrifying two scoops of power, so I figured his mega evolution would be a mighty banana split.
Mega Shuckle
Shuckle sucks. He can’t evolve. He looks dumb. And he has way too many holes in his shell. You know who don’t suck? The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Mega Mr. Mime
Just like Jynx, Mr. Mime is creepy largely because he looks way too much like an actual person. Also, he’s a freaking mime. So what does a super mime have? Uh … muscles?