*****Editor's Note: The Following is my entry for the Bitmob writing challenge for September. After reading the guidelines again, I don't think this is what the staff is looking for, but nonetheless I hope you find it amusing. Paper Mario has always had a sense of humor about the un-said portions of the Mario world, so here's my attempt at a potential scene. Enjoy!
WORLD 1-1: EXTERIOR
(A small but sprightly Goomba, Keith, slowly patrols between two wooden blocks. The sun shines brightly overhead, casting small shadows across the bushes lining the walkway. In the distance, a few Koopa Troopas begin patrolling the large colored blocks stacked near the exit. Suddenly, a Lakitu flies overhead and drops another Goomba near Keith.)
CHAD
Goomba #1044265B reporting for patrol duty!
KEITH
What? Who?
CHAD
Goomba #1044265B reporting for my first shift as sentry and/or plumber scout!
KEITH
Yea, yea I heard that part, what are you doing here though? This is my station.
CHAD
Oh… (looks around) is this world 1-1?
KEITH
Yup.
CHAD
Section “Two Wooden Blocks”?
KEITH
Yes…
CHAD
Well, that’s what my recruiter assigned me. He said I'm supposed to help fill out the gap.
KEITH
The gap?
(Keith looks at the first block, then to the other)
This gap?! It’s ten spaces long! I’ve been here for six months without a single problem, why would they send you here?
CHAD
I don’t know, I thought we weren’t supposed to ask questions like that.
KEITH
(starts walking toward the first wooden block)
They’ll say a lot of things newbie, when you’ve been patrolling as long as I have you’ll know when to read between the lines
CHAD
What lines?
KEITH
(sighs)
Just start walking.
CHAD
Oh! Yes sir!
(starts walking to the second wooden block)
KEITH
So what’s your name?
CHAD
My name? My I.D. is Goomba #104—
KEITH
Not your damn I.D. kid, your real name.
CHAD
My real name?
KEITH
Yes! You got a name right? Mine’s Keith.
(Keith gently bumps into the first block, turns around and starts walking to the second block)
CHAD
Oh, my name’s Chad.
KEITH
Chad? Your mother named you Chad?
CHAD
Yea so?
KEITH
You won’t last long here.
CHAD
Yes I will!
(turns and starts walking toward Keith and the first wooden block)
KEITH
Stop!
CHAD
What what?!
KEITH
Did you touch the block?
CHAD
The block?
KEITH
Yea the wooden block, did you touch it?
CHAD
No, I thought we were supposed to walk between them.
KEITH
You have to touch the block kid, that’s the rule.
CHAD
What rule?
KEITH
The rule! You can’t turn in any direction until you touch a block. Then you have to turn around and walk in the other direction. That’s the rule.
CHAD
Why?
KEITH
Because that’s how a patrol works idiot! Did you sleep through orientation? Do you even know why we’re here in the first place?
CHAD
I didn’t fall asleep! They never mentioned anything about touching the block, the recruiter just said I had to walk from one block to the other block.
KEITH
And what do you think you’re supposed to do when you reached the other block?
CHAD
(Chad looks at the ground intently, trying to remember)
KEITH
You touch the block so you turn around and walk back! Watch!
(Keith walks past Chad and gently bumps into the second block)
KEITH
See? Now I turn around, and start walking back to the first block. The new trainers Boss picked out aren’t worth their weight in Spinies if they’re sending softies like you out here.
CHAD
I’m no softie! (starts walking behind Keith) I’ll have you know I got a recommendation from my trainer for a perfect patrol cadence.
KEITH
(whistles) A perfect cadence! That’s sure to send shivers down the plumber’s spine!
CHAD
The Plumber?! You’ve seen him?
KEITH
Well, not with my eyes no. But I had a friend who swears he did, once.
CHAD
Really?! What did he look like?
KEITH
12-feet tall, mouth as black as a bullet bill’s armor, shoots fire out of his hands just like Boss can, I heard he can even fly when he wants to.
CHAD
(rolls his eyes) That’s gotta be Mushroom legend, he can’t do all those things at the same time.
KEITH
Maybe, maybe not, who knows? Few shy guys—and even fewer goombas—face him and live to tell the tale.
CHAD
I hope he shows up. I dare him to try and get past the two of us.
KEITH
(chuckles) You sound just like I did when I got here kid. Young, bright-eyed, shiny coat of brown, thought I was going to make a difference. Truth is, we Goombas don’t have much else to do besides patrol. I mean, look at these legs. They’re not even legs really, we just have feet.
CHAD
At least we don’t have to walk around with a giant shell on our backs.
KEITH
Are you serious? I’d trade my perfect patrol record in a heartbeat for one of those! Those turtlenecks over there use them as a sled the moment they clock out. Whoosh! Just zip on down the road back to camp. (gives an audible grunt) lucky bastards…
CHAD
We don’t need shells to take down this Plumber guy. The trainers said as long as we don’t let him bounce on our heads he can’t hurt us.
KEITH
Of course we don’t let him bounce on our heads! That’s called a concussion! Insurance doesn’t cover that kind of injury, we need to be careful. Look, I’m going to be straight with you: He’s not coming. I’ve been walking this patrol for six months, and I 've never seen anything resembling—
(Mario bounds across the first wooden block, jumps over Keith and Chad, jumps over the second block, and continues running down the path)
(Keith and Chad stand in silence and shock as they watch Mario fade into the distance)
CHAD
That…That was…
KEITH
Huh…He’s smaller than they say. And I didn’t see any fire either.
CHAD
We let him get past us! He’s getting away! We need to go after him!
KEITH
And how do you plan on catching up with him, Soldier of Fortune?!
CHAD
(Chad looks down the path, then back at Keith)
What do we do?
KEITH
(Keith is silent for a few moments, and then continues walking toward the second block)
What we were trained to do. They can’t blame us if we did our job right?
CHAD
But…The Plumber—
KEITH
We’ll be fine. Once he gets to world 2 the Hammer Bros. will stop him, those guys are insane.
(Chad looks around for a moment, gently bumps into the second block, turns and starts walking toward the first block)
–END–