Girls, love, and video games

I'm embarassed to say this, but I've learned the most about mutual romantic relationships from video games.

It all started with games such as Chrono Trigger. I fell in love with an infamous, beautiful girl named Marle. And for most of my early childhood, I couldn't stop thinking about her. Well, that was until I found out what sex was.

So even for much of my teenage life, I always imagined my wife as Marle from Chrono Trigger. After my first breakup, I then learned that no girl would ever meet the impossibly ideal body type of Marle.

By the way, I also learned that no girl would ever lay their life on the line, like Aeris from Final Fantasy VII. No girl would spend their entire life fighting against evil monsters so that they could rescue her boyfriend, like the girl in Secret of Mana. And, heaven forbid, no one would go anorexic so that they could look like Misty from Pokemon.

So after another awful relationship that went out of control, I felt lost. Aside from all the girls in Charlie Kaufman films, I didn't know of any girls that really acted like the person I was looking for. All my perceptions gradually changed when I started watching anime movies and television shows.

I met a whole range female characters, perky and sweet. Some of them were fearsome warriors. Others were kindly women who protect their children like mothers. After watching an excellent series called Eureka Seven, I always wondered if I would ever see any realistic anime girls in video games.

My prayers were answered with a Game Boy Advance game that I didn't really expect: Sword of Mana. Of course, the girl in this game also went through a troubled childhood, but at least the girl was fighting for a cause that was her destiny. After all, who wouldn't want to be known as the girl who saved the world by turning into a gigantic, magical tree?

(Actually, I think girls would like to lead much more interesting lives. But that's aside from the point.)

Eventually, my fetish with anime girls came back to life with a Nintendo DS game: Phoenix Wright. Now I had never heard of this game until I saw a slapstick parody of it on newgrounds.com. I couldn't believe it–it was a game about lawyers saving innocent women in court.

Aside from the awkward setting, I loved the premise of this text-based adventure. I could defend women using my reading comprehension skills and the power of my "Objections!" The girls were surprisingly cute. They didn't look wire-thin, either.

I then thought to myself, why doesn't some genius put some strong types of female characters in my fighting games and my RPGs? Sure enough, my prayers were answered again with some of the best Japanese games, such as Guilty Gear, Capcom vs SNK 2 and Persona 3.

I realize that some of the girls in these fighting games also look like they've been stuck on an extremely low-calorie diet. However, I'd occasionally catch some really clever looking women, such as Yuri Sakazaki from Art of Fighting 2 and Sakura Kasugano from the Street Fighter Alpha games.

Last of all, I fell in love with all the girls in Persona 3 and 4. The game is literally an anime fan's dream come true. Each girl has her own unique characteristics and challenging struggles in their lives. However, my main character could play a special part in each girl's life, by helping them through some tough times. I especially loved helping Yukari Takeba sort out her issues with her mother in Persona 3.

After this vivacious period of games, I always wonder what other video game girls I'll help next. I liked Maria Renard from Castlevania: Rondo of Blood, but she turned into some weird, European princess in Castlevania: Symphony of the Night. Right now I'm betting on the cute girls in Ghost Trick. After all, I'd love to save girls by playing around with slow-motion effects and whatnot.

Or maybe I'll settle with the girl in "Sin and Punishment 2." Sigh…decisions, decisions.