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Editor's note: Raccoons and armadillos beware when I'm on the range in Red Dead Redemption. Seems like Chase is hunting bigger game, though…or vice versa. -Demian
Until Red Dead Redemption rolled into town in a cloud of dust and hawk feathers, no other game delivered a hunting fix like Oregon Trail 2. Pheasant, buffalo, or that big grizzly, most of my Trail time involved hunting — it didn’t matter if I had enough meat to last me two trips to Oregon or not.
Cabella’s Big Game Hunter and other shooting-gallery arcade games only satisfied half of my craving. What do you do when your quarry's dead? Nothing? Then what's the point?
So while Red Dead doesn't teach you about the finer points of scurvy, at least in terms of hunting it's the spiritual sequel to Oregon Trail 2 that I've always been looking for. And it has inspired me to recount a few tales of my favorite experiences in the wilds of the Wild West….
Man vs. Cougar(s)
Looking to simultaneously complete a specific Hunter challenge and be completely bad ass at the same time, I was searching for cougars to kill with my knife. Spotting one, I hopped off my horse and stood in a clearing, waiting, watching. The only way I could possibly get the cat’s attention more was if I had a flashing sign above my head reading “Free Eats.”
As the feline approached, we began circling each other, West Side Story-style (“When you’re a Jet you’re a Jet all the way.”)
Just as I was about to lunge headlong into a epic battle between man and beast, a second cougar eviscerated me from behind like a Halo 2 Brute Shot assassination.
I was dead and therefore don’t have first-hand knowledge of what happened next, but I assume the two cougars laughed and danced around on my mutilated corpse. I hate cats.
Man vs. Cougar vs. Wolf Pack
If you asked me which I’d rather face, a cougar or a pack of wolves, it’d be a tough choice. Unfortunately for me I wasn’t given a choice on this occasion.
Hunting for buffalo, I eyed a pack of wolves on the horizon. They seemed to be far enough away to ignore. Looking back down the scope of my rifle, I had one of the wild oxen in my sights.
Then I heard a familiar barking. The wolves, rudely disregarding my earlier calculations that they hadn’t seen me, were charging forth with the clear intention to rend the flesh from my bones.
Trying desperately to switch to my semi-auto shotgun, I heard another familiar sound — the roar of a cougar, most likely that same jerk from my first tale.
After locating this newest of threats, I stopped in my tracks, dumbfounded by what I saw. The cougar and wolves were running together, in the same pack.
Yes, it was just a coincidence within the game, but I was so impressed by the very idea that I didn’t even mind being torn limb from limb. And then, more than likely, there was more laughing and dancing. I hate dogs now, too.
Sniper Rifle vs. Grizzly
Up in Tall Trees seeking elk, I was trying out the newest sniper rifle I had purchased from Blackwater. I had just made it over a snow-covered hill, when the low groan of a grizzly filled my ears. Immediately turning 180 — that damn cougar had taught me more often than not, those bastards will be chasing you instead of facing you like a man…er, well…you get what I’m saying — I pulled up my crosshairs, forgetting for a brief second I had a sniper rifle equipped.
Much to my surprise, I zoomed in to see a very angry bear eye staring back at me. I didn’t think, I just pulled the trigger and let fate decide.
An artist's rendering of the above description.
By the way, I'm the artist. I use that term loosely.
Fate was on my side this day as the next thing I saw was a large, furry carcass at my feet, and some slightly damper pants I would imagine.
Grizzly vs. Stage Coach
By far the scariest of the tales, despite being in the least amount of danger…I had just killed a wild boar and began to skin it. When you skin an animal, a tiny cinematic plays showing you cutting open the fallen prey (for those of you who are squeamish, the worst of it isn’t shown, just some blood spatters that hit the screen.) The point is that you can see behind you as you are skinning.
Well, on this occasion, what do I see but a huge-ass bear licking his lips behind me. Fortunately, when cutting open a fresh kill, you’re less noticeable to roving animals, apparently.
Another artist's rendering. Bears, beats, Red Dead Redemption.
Good news for me, bad news for the passing stagecoach. The bear went after the coach and left me to my work.
Epilogue to Tale #4: I felt bad for the poor stagecoach, so I filled the man-eating monster with enough buckshot to take down three bears. Stupid bears.
Red Dead Redemption offers a ton of things to do: Mexican standoffs, horse breaking, bounty hunting, herb gathering, and many more. But for me at least, "Oregon Trail successor" sold me. And I didn’t even contract dysentery!
Got a favorite hunting story? That's what the comments are for, duh.