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While I like to get my Christmas shopping done early, I personally think Black Friday is a festering pustule on the anus of humanity. So, if you're like me and you're going to lock yourself in your house on Friday and let the other sub-humans fight over the $299 flat-screen TVs, here are some of my favorite gaming-related gift suggestions which you can order online.
If the gamer you're shopping for likes Super Mario Bros., try: Grow Your Own 1up Mushroom.
It's far more kid-friendly and far less creepy than the "Grow Mario's Mustache Chia Pet."
If the gamer you're shopping for likes Ghostbusters, try: Stay Puft Caffeinated Gourmet Marshmallows.
Who knew that Gozer the Traveller was both tasty and could help keep you awake at night? You'd be hard-pressed to find a more awesome snack food.
If the gamer you're shopping for likes God of War, try: Replica Blade of Chaos.
What's a better gift for someone who likes bloody, violent video games than a large, jagged blade?
If the gamer you're shopping for likes Halo, try: R/C Scorpion Tanks.
If you buy two of these bad boys, you and a friend can engage in a remote-controlled version of Laser Tag. The first to score four shots disables the enemy tank and earns bragging rights. Just remember that your opponent is in the same room as you before you talk too much trash. Teabagging after matches not recommended.
If the gamer you're shopping for likes Modern Warfare 2, try: Skull-Print Balaclava.
Because Ghost is such a bad-ass, everyone wants to look like him. Cool shades not included.
If the gamer you're shopping for likes World of Warcraft, try: Gryphon Hatchling and Wind Rider Cub Plushies.
These cute little guys also come with a matching in-game mini-pet. They're the most adorable way to feed someone else's addiction that money can buy.
If the gamer you're shopping for likes Resident Evil, try: The Umbrella Corporation Umbrella.
Show your support for everyone's favorite bioengineering firm with this stylish accessory. It will protect you from both the elements and flying chunks of flesh when your partner gets overzealous with the rocket launcher.
If the gamer you're shopping for likes Peggle, try: Canned Unicorn Meat.
Let's be honest. Nobody really liked Bjorn anyway. That asshole had it coming…
If the gamer you're shopping for likes Dead Rising (or any other game with zombies), try: Zombie Mints.
I thought the front of the tin was joking when it said, "Mmmm! Brain Flavor!" until I read that last ingredient. Not recommended for those with weak stomachs.
If you have any other gift recommendations for gamers, please feel free to share them in the comments section.