10 things I want my personal Facebook Messenger chatbot to do (please)

I’ve asked someone to make me a personal chatbot.

I’m not sure if it will work out, but I have high hopes.

The idea is to have a chatbot that runs 24/7 on Facebook Messenger. In a rudimentary form, it should handle basic requests for information: am I in the office? am I on a business trip? It should send out mass messages, like tips and notes about my schedule.

Chris Messina has his own chatbot, as does Redfoo from the band LMFAO. You will probably have one soon. But they don’t do too much for now. They have some basic A.I., but they mainly let you send group messages to people and feed canned messages.

I’m hoping my personal chatbot does much more than that. It’s not really possible today, mainly because the A.I. isn’t quite advanced enough but also because many apps don’t connect into Facebook Messenger in a way that makes these things possible. However, I’m hopeful my personal bot will learn quickly and do these 10 things … maybe within the next year?

1. Remind me about my schedule

The primary use for my personal chatbot will be to remind me when I have meetings. It needs to act like a personal assistant, one that knows when I am jumping on a plane or need some down time. Each morning, the bot should pop up in Messenger and walk me through the day, ask for any adjustments, or follow my command to clear my schedule because I’ve decided to play golf instead (and let everyone know I’m “working”). Unlike the MessinaBot, which mostly tells followers about events, I want my bot to schedule my entire day.

2. Block out my quiet hours

My personal bot should be so aware of my schedule and any business trips that it knows when I need down time. It should automatically block out my schedule for editing and writing, making sure nothing interferes. This should be automated after watching when I usually hold meetings and when I usually like to write. (It’s fairly obvious, since it is always in the early morning hours.)

3. Reorder coffee for me

Most of the features I want in my chatbot have nothing to do with actually chatting. I want it to tap into my coffeemaker (it’s possible — I have one I’m testing right now from Philips that uses Wi-Fi) and determine when I haven’t filled it in a while and then reorder for me. It might send a quick message to let me know or ask if I still want dark roast, but it should mostly work behind the scenes.

4. Water my lawn

This is another chore that is entirely possible. I use the Lowe’s Iris connected home system and have faucets set up on a schedule. Lowe’s doesn’t make a bot, so my bot should connect into the app somehow. I should be able to ask it to water my lawn, adjust my schedule, or postpone watering because it’s raining or there’s a new watering ordinance. Better yet, the bot should do everything I just mentioned all on its own without my intervention by watching my typical activities.

5. Interview people

I’d like to train my personal bot to do interviews. I’d type in the questions, and then the bot would make a phone call and conduct the interview by voice, recording and then transcribing the answers. OK, it might seem robotic and people might object, but it’s amazing to think how many interviews my bot could conduct in a week. I’d have to ask the interview subject if this is OK (or have the bot do that). At the very least, it should ask a FancyHands or TaskRabbit rep for help.

6. Back out my car from the garage

We all have so many apps. I’d rather have maybe four or five on my home screen. If I owned a Tesla Model S, it would be cool to skip the Tesla app and have my bot communicate directly with the car and activate the “summon” mode to back the car out of my garage. Bonus points if the bot also cools the car down, checks for any maintenance issues, and cleans the windows.

7. Find pictures

Of course, since I’m on Facebook already, my bot should know which photos I like the most and keep them organized. If I ask my personal bot to show me my favorite shots, it should be easy to do that. However, I’d like to ask my bot to share “that one photo from the family reunion with my wife” and have it work. My bot should never get confused.

8. Post links to my articles

This should be a no-brainer. My bot should know about my articles (like this one) and automatically post about them on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn. It should also track my activity, so if I ask about engagement and shares, it should know. Better yet, it should jump into the comments (which might be a tough coding trick) and add intelligent replies.

9. Find concerts

I’m a big music fan, so my bot should work like one that already exists called Loudie. It should look for concerts in my area and then say: “Hey John, don’t miss Lights when she plays in Minneapolis next month.” Of course, I’d like my bot to buy the tickets at the best price, too.

10. Answer my email

Facebook Messenger and Gmail exist on different continents today. Yet there’s no reason my bot can’t eventually handle some of my email chores, like replying to people about my busy schedule and asking them to chat with me instead. I’d like to be able to tweak a setting that sends a specific message based on the content of the incoming email. Eventually, I’d even like my bot to know when an email is a waste of time and delete it automatically. I’d never know.