11 things an angel investor will never say

(Editor’s note: Dharmesh Shah is a serial software entrepreneur and angel investor.)

As a tribute to the very funny VC Non-Admissions and the follow-up Founder Non-Admissions, I offer to you my own take on this – from an angel investor perspective. Sorry that mine aren’t in a cool presentation form with pictures and such. I don’t have that kind of talent.

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10 Things An Angel Investor Will Never Say

1. I really want to support entrepreneurs – but just those that are going to make me money.

2. I dread having to explain your business idea to my spouse (who can veto any deal).

3. I don’t really have enough stake in your company to spam my network on your behalf.

4. I was lying when I said that some of my best friends were VCs. Even VCs aren’t best friends with VCs.

5. I have no idea what the hell you’re talking about 50 percent of the time. What’s a socially-semantic mobile platform for non-virtual currency mean? (Oh, it’s an iPhone/Facebook payment app).

6. The other 50 percent of the time, you have no idea what you’re talking about. Anti-dilution provisions in a termsheet are not about beer.

7. How the public market did last week does impact my decision-making.

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8. I like to invest in cool startups because it helps make up for high school.

9. I don’t understand what half the things in the funding agreement mean either, but I’m betting that most of them are to protect me, not you.

10. I really didn’t put the check in the mail the day I said I did. I was golfing that day. I sucked.

11. I’m in it to mostly have fun. If I wanted to do unpleasant work, I’d have my own startup.

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Image by platinumblondelife via Flickr.