A non-jerk’s guide to being lazy during the blizzard

For those of us living in the Northeast, it is easy to mock the avalanche of hyperbole surrounding the coming storm. Giving storms names is a marketing stunt, not a World Meteorological Organization practice. #Snowmageddon2015 and State of Emergency are currently trending on Twitter. Meanwhile, most of us are praying for a day of telecommuting tomorrow. Visions of sweatpants, hot cocoa, and junk food dance through our heads.

The usual suspects of Instacart, Seamless, and WunWun are going to make it even easier to stay in your old college hoodie and slippers. They are all preparing for a historic storm of customers.

We're working hard to deliver your winter essentials this wk while also keeping our shoppers safe. We appreciate your patience & stay warm!

— Instacart (@Instacart) January 26, 2015

Guess those weather shaman were right this time. #Snowmageddon2015 pic.twitter.com/OlzP7JIjy7

— Seamless (@Seamless) January 26, 2015

Go outside? What are you, Amish? Use Wunwun, ya dingus!

— Wunwun (@wunwun) January 25, 2015

It’s tempting. Oh so tempting. But before you simultaneously order a pizza on Seamless, buy lemons, cinnamon, and tea on Instacart, and arrange for whisky via Minibar, stop for a moment and think about how awful it is outside. You don’t want to go out there, but some brave hero is taking one for the team to bring you snacks. This is not the time for the default tip provided by your app of choice.

Most of us will succumb to temptation. Here are a few rules to follow for proper blizzard delivery etiquette:

1. Don’t expect the most prompt delivery. It is going to be icy, snowy, slushy, and all around gross. If you can’t wait a little extra for your snacks, you may need to zip up the parka and venture outside for yourself.
2. The weather is extreme, and your tip should be, too. How much is staying warm and dry worth to you? Probably a lot. The default tip percentage provided by your favorite app doesn’t factor in this kind of weather. Be generous to the delivery heroes.
3. Don’t lose your cool. If your favorite delivery service is flooded with orders or you just can’t wait any longer for provisions or libations, everything is going to be OK. Most likely, the closest store isn’t that far away. An added bonus: Going outside will give you a much better shot for Instagram than you’ll get from your apartment window.

Most importantly, stay warm, enjoy the day at home, and don’t eat any yellow snow.