Are you talkin’ to me? Apple debuts new iPad ad narrated by Martin Scorsese during Oscars

Sales of iPads may have hit a plateau, but Apple is pulling out all the stops to remind consumers just how awesome its tablet is.

That includes a new ad that debuted last night during the Academy Awards called “Make a film with iPad.” The phrase is shown scrawled on a chalkboard in a classroom. Not, “an iPad” or “your iPad” or even “the iPad.” Just “iPad.” Like, it’s your little buddy. “Make a film with Fred.”

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The 1-minute ad is narrated by director Martin Scorsese, but alas remains completely bloodless. Nobody shoots a random kid in the foot, utters the F-word, or even sounds remotely like a gangster. In fact, there’s no violence to speak of, not even a single punch.

Instead, Scorsese offers some uplifting thoughts about just how damn hard it is to be creative and argues that people who talk about “following your dream” are lazy, befuddled idiots. Except he doesn’t use the word “lazy” or “befuddled.”

“I never liked the inspirational value of that phrase,” he intones. “Dreaming is a way of trivializing the process … If you’re dreaming, you’re sleeping.”

There is some paint splattered on some people in the ad, but even that doesn’t really look so much like blood.

“Every scene is a lesson,” he says. “Every shot is a school.”

Shot, as in shooting a movie or a picture, not a person.

At the end, there is soft piano music, and no one goes into witness protection.