Our annual reminder that the Internet has destroyed April Fools’ Day is here early

Proving that there is no concept that people with too much money and time on their hands can’t smother to death in a desperate bid for your love and admiration, the annual parade of April Fools’ fake products has arrived a day early to torment us and make us briefly forget how much we detest email for taking control our lives.

Yes, April Fools’ Day. Once, a day full of chuckles in which you made a couple of jokes with your parents over your cereal and then maybe tried to prank a few classmates at lunch hoping to cause school cafeteria milk to come spraying out of their noses.

Now, it is the subject of countless corporate brainstorming sessions as people bat around goofy ideas and then spend far too much time filming videos that we will dutifully aggregate in the hopes of viral glory.

So, it is with the sense of a WWI soldier being told that they must go over the trenches on Nov. 11, 1918 at 10:45 a.m. that I bring you our list of people who were so excited about their gags that they have gone live a day before April Fools’ Day.

WARNING: THIS POST WILL BE CONSTANTLY UPDATED! We have a long list of April Fools’ Days embargoes with which to torment you. 

VIRGIN AMERICA: They are redesigning their logo, and many of the suggestions look like boobs and penises. It is so close to the way people actually talk that it’s hard to know for sure it’s a gag. It’s a gag.

PRODUCT HUNT: They’re buying Yahoo. LOL.

View post on imgur.com

SAMSUNG: “Samsung Electronics, a world leader in Internet of Things and advanced components, announced the Internet of Trousers, a new lineup of IoT-enabled smarter fashion products.” Funny thing is, as my wife will attest, I am at the age where I could use a notification system to alert me that my fly is down.

ADOBE: Tells you how to make any photo look like an Ansel Adams photo using Lightroom.

RAZER: Project Breadwinner. Almost 6 minutes about a fake toaster.

Sigh:

Pretty sure the fact that I'm taking April Fools pitches under embargo is a sign humanity has reached its end game. pic.twitter.com/imF8OWMsnJ

— Chris O'Brien (@obrien) March 30, 2016