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Originally posted at XBLI.net
Rock Paper Scissors Xtreme!
It’s a common problem: you want to play Rock, Paper, Scissors, but there’s never anyone around to join in. Now you never have to worry – Rock Paper Scissors Xtreme! offers hours of finger-snapping fun for any poor, lonely sap who can’t find a friend to play a round of fraking Rock, Paper, Scissors with. Oh and it comes with a rumble massage game, yay… (200pts)
The Amazing Rumbling Hypno Disc
Amazing Rumbling Hypno Disc is the first step to world domination through downloadable applications. It is more likely to make people sick than entertain them. Soon, games will simply flash a seizure-inducing pattern of light upon purchase. After that, the release of Mind Control 360 will mark the start of Judgement Day and the end of the world. You’ve been warned. (200pts)
Super Xblox 360!
Super Xblox 360 was on XBLI a few weeks ago, but was quickly removed. Presumably, this was due to its close resemblance to Tetris. The new version fixes this by replacing all the blocks with dots and adding a bunch of weird shapes. Unfortunately, they didn’t fix Xblox’s slippery controls. It would be excusable if puzzle games weren’t XBLI’s strongest titles. Xblox is simply bottom of the barrel by comparison. (200pts)
Choc-a-riffic
My favorite thing about this game is how it tries to mimic Peggle’s cute loading screen messages with things like "Making Chocolate" and "Preparing Eggs" but then just before it finishes it says, "Parsing Levels 0/47", "Parsing Levels 1/47", etc. My second favorite thing about this game is that despite a rainbow-colored world and ethereal soundtrack, the developers adorned the first level with pictures of themselves looking angry. They even set one of them on fire. My third favorite thing about this game is that it took that many angry faces to make a game with garish visuals and awkward controls. Then they don’t even let you play enough of it to give it a fair shot. (200pts)
LED Display
LED Display is shockingly unintuitive. Thankfully I still figured it out so I can show you XBLI.net’s first video review. (200pts)[video:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XnaMN6agFE 320×265]
Cyborg Mice Arena
Cyborg Mice Arena is rough around the edges, let’s just get that out of the way. It is graphically uninteresting, and the controls and weapon behavior scream "amateur effort." Despite that, the game has heart – it’s an endearing arena shooter reminiscent of the early PSX title Loaded. It features mice that use victory money to upgrade their cyborg arms and flame throwers. How much can you hate it, really? The only concern is in the amount of content available. The demo was promising, but it wasn’t clear whether the game was intentionally hiding features, or if it was simply bare bones. (200pts)
Math Gardener
I’ve generally avoided the educational game offerings on XBLI, but if Math Gardener is anything to go by, I’d rather buy 8 copies of Rumble Massage. This is a terrible, terrible game that makes cracking open an algebra textbook look like an absolute blast. Where is the feedback? Where does it make math any more enjoyable than it is on a piece of paper? Where is the videogame in Math Gardener? I can’t find it. (200pts)
Ice 9
Ice 9 is either a console port of Hungry Hungry Hippos, or Ikaruga’s bullet-eating mechanic turned into a full game. You spin your dot-eater around the edge of a circular arena with the analog stick. Dots emerge from the center in a variety of patterns and it’s up to you to collect them all. Low production values aside, Ice 9’s core concept is solid for a quick, cheap distraction. Turn up the difficulty level before the end of the trial and you may find yourself addicted to this extremely simple title. (200pts)
Vega Magnitude
Remember how Ikaruga’s black/white polarity enemies left people’s heads spinning and landed it in the history books as one of the hardest games ever? Well, imagine if you had eight polarities instead! That’s the premise of Vega Magnitude, and it sure is hard. But it isn’t hard in the, "just one more try," sense like Ikaruga. It’s hard in the, "I need to look down at my controller before I shoot at each enemy," way.
(200pts)