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Originally posted at XBLI.net

In this edition, barely three days later, I very nearly drown under the weight of the recent XBLI flood. Without a single game earning that big green smile, I couldn’t make it to the end without losing it.

Space Math
Here we are, a little more than a week later, and we already have the next game in the series that started with Math Gardener. Imagine if Bungie, Blizzard, or Valve could release games that quickly? Well, if they did, they probably wouldn’t be so world-renowned. Space Math isn’t very good, although anything is a step up from Math Gardener. The premise combines Space Invaders with numbers – a problem is displayed, and you have to shoot down the answer without hitting the wrong ones. But just like Math Gardener, this game doesn’t do a good job of making math fun, equating problem solving to a shooter where you only shoot one enemy.
200pts

XNcAve
The screens for XNcAve had me thinking, "Gradius clone!" which is exciting because I have a soft spot for Gradius. Imagine my disappointment when I learned that it was actually an aircraft spelunking game (an oddly growing genre on XBLI). All you do is throttle the right trigger to maintain your height while avoiding random cave bits. It’s about as fun as threading a needle.
200pts

Game Training Vol. 2: Flight
This is a big step up from the impenetrable Game Training Vol. 1. The original was a collection of nonsensical mini games that were so unpolished they approached abstract art. Volume 2 is quite different – it’s a simple flight simulator with a checklist of achievements. That checklist, rather than the thrill of flight, ends up being the game’s hook. You fly through rings, pop balloons, fire missiles at ships, and eventually go for the safe landing. Game Training: Vol. 2 would be a blast if the physics behind it weren’t so dialed in.
200pts

The Periodic Table
The Periodic Table certainly lives up to its name. That sentence alone should be enough of a review for you. It’s a little better than the periodic table in your typical chemistry classroom, if that’s any consolation.
200pts

 

Drop Zone
The most entertaining thing about Drop Zone is the various death curdles of the paratroopers you spend the entire game shreading to bits. You take control of an AA gun while scores of enemies drop from the sky without any consideration for their own safety. In fact, as you progress, even more reinforcements are sent in. It’s hilarious, but it’s also frustrating – your gun only fires in a few directions, allowing enemies to squeeze by in the gaps of your firing solution.
80pts

Who Did I Date Last Night
…certainly not any of these women. This game presumes that the entire XBLI audience is made up of male supermodels. Either that, or it’s simply trying to exploit your libido for a quick buck. Still, there’s actually a bit of a game to this sexy version of Guess Who, so that’s a step up from a lot of other XBLI offerings. If the game part was a little more dynamic, and the repertoire of photos a little more expansive, this provacative money-grab might have actually been worth more than a passing glance.
80pts

Lord Ownage:UnBritish Invasion
It’s not hard to crack a smile at the silly British typecasting going on in the opening menus of Lord Ownage. Even the help screen puts on a good show. The problem is when you actually start playing the game. It’s an ugly, frustrating combination of puzzle game style matching and Space Invaders. That could actually be a really great combo, but the need for pinpoint accuracy combined with no way to be pinpoint accurate is maddening.
400pts

Horn Swaggle Islands
As an introduction to the tower defense genre, Horn Swaggle Island does the trick. But for anyone familiar with the genre, it’s nothing new. The only difference between this and say, Desktop Tower Defense, is that Horn Swaggle Islands is pirate-themed and the camera is zoomed out way too far. It even has the same bubble-popping sound for enemy deaths.
400pts

Heavy Payload
Heavy Payload could win awards for most boring vertical shooter ever. It’s understandable that Indie games are made on little to no budget, and repetitive art assets are to be expected – but when you’re repeating not only the same enemies, backdrops, and sound effects, but the same five seconds of dull gameplay, what’s the point? Why are you making games? Is someone forcing you to write code against your will? Are you torturing us so that we may empathize with your own miserable existence?
400pts