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Editor’s note: Now that John has played the Bayonetta demo and shared his thoughts, I’m curious to hear what he’ll think about the finished product. As for John’s assertion that attractive women are often used to distract from average- or below-average gameplay — I totally agree. – Aaron
Sometimes I get so turned on when I see a woman bite the corner of her bottom lip that I feel like vomiting — but in a good way. Like when you go to your favourite restaurant and eat so much of that delicious feast that you feel like you can’t hold it down.
I’m a man. A man with needs. A man with many turn-ons. However, there are things that just don’t do it for me. Things that other men have been known to ogle after, but have failed to capture my attention.
For instance, I have never been known to get all hot-under-the-collar for video game characters.
I’m talking about the big-breasted pieces of T&A that that pubescent boys are supposed to (and do) drool over. I’m not a pubescent boy. I’m a pubescent man (in a manner of speaking, but that’s a story for another time). I don’t drool over cartoons, though I have been known to drool over the real thing dressed as cartoons.
My point? I wanted to properly embed it into your mind how little I care about such things. In fact, more often then not, I wouldn’t even notice… until I played the Bayonetta demo this past weekend.
She has one perfectly shaped gluteus maximus. It’s ungodly, if I’m go to be honest with you. In case you have yet gaze upon the posterior in question:
In my heart of hearts, I can’t help but believe that they must have had a team of 11 men putting in a combined 1,238 man-hours just to get it right. At man-hour 746 they were no doubt headed dangerously close to a Kim Kardashian situation, when one of the genius artists bravely declared, “We’re going for perfection, gentlemen, not size. All of you, go home and sleep with your wives. You’re so horny you can’t even think straight.”
Let us hope the attention of detail in this regard carries on to the rest of the game. If the demo is any indication, my outlook shall remain optimistic.
Too often are we given a heroine in a game simply to make up for mediocrity. Perhaps Bayonetta, despite being a character seemingly designed by 14-year-old boys, will simply be an overly sexualized (objectified?) woman in the middle of a fun (great?) game. I guess I’ll find out in January.
Now if you will excuse me, I have some Devil May Cry that is in some desperate need of exorcism.