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Editor's note: Building on an earlier post, Rachel looks at some personal examples of good and bad instances of escapism — one involving PSN's Flower, and the other non-game-related. -Demian
The responses to my previous post, Bitterly Confronting Why I Game, completely floored me. Everyone who commented reminded me of the many reasons I love to game, and how supportive the gaming community is in particular. So, based on the encouragement I received, I want to expand and elaborate some of my points from that post….
Last year, I became brutally sick a week before my college's finals. As I slowly started to get better, I had to make up the massive amount of work I missed. One day, a friend of mine came to my apartment to use the kitchen. Even before he arrived, I suspected that my friend really wanted to come over because he didn’t want to be alone. Recently, his brother had unexpectedly passed away.
My suspicion was confirmed when he started to stall by doing our dishes and needlessly cleaning the kitchen. I started to panic. As much as I wanted to spend time with him, I had a paper due that afternoon. My professor had given me a generous extension; I couldn’t push it. Feeling guilty, I desperately offered him the use of my PS3. To my relief, his eyes lit up, and he began to browse my game collection.
He decided to play Flower, and sat on the floor cross-legged, while I sat on the couch behind him. As he played through the game, I could see him slowly unwinding. Every time something particularly beautiful happened onscreen, he would turn to look at me, and we would share a smile. Fortunately, I finished my paper early, and was able to watch him complete the game's exuberant finale. By then, he was completely at ease.
When he beat the game it was late, so I offered him dinner. But, to my surprise, he was ready to go. As he left, he warmly thanked me for letting him play Flower. I can’t say what kind of impact that afternoon had on my friend, but I hope that he was able to escape, even for just a little while.
I’m telling this story because I believe that it illustrates the difference between positive and negative escapism. My friend was engaging in a very positive form of escapism. No one can be expected to carry his burden, not without some relief. He came to my apartment needing a few moments of peace. I truly hope he found some.
Negative escapism, on the other hand, becomes all-consuming. This can make hobbies like gaming extremely harmful. If my friend had begun to game constantly, then I would be worried. But he did not; he sought solace in friends and family.
The reason I’m so concerned with escapism is that I know I’ve drowned myself in negative escapism before. Junior high school was not kind to a girl who was more interested in sports and video games than fashion. The other girls in my class teased me constantly, and I was too shy to defend myself. I turned to books to escape. I spent so much time reading during school that a teacher commented that I must be addicted to it. Of course, I wasn’t; books just allowed me to live in a world besides my own.
Today I recognize that constantly reading wasn’t the appropriate way to deal with my problems. Slowly, my 14-year-old self saw that too. When I entered high school I overcame my shyness, made friends who shared my interests, and even took on several leadership roles. Consequently, I started to read only for pleasure. I even found that I enjoyed reading more when I read at a more “normal” level.
That’s why I was so shaken by the realization that I have used games to escape life’s problems. I know that I have addictive tendencies. For that reason I feel that it is important to examine why I absorb myself in anything. Naturally, that includes gaming.
Fortunately, I’m not a lonely junior high kid anymore. So I took a step back, and examined why I play games.