Party Games: Election

Most of us aren't from the UK, where a general election has just been called for May 6th. But wherever we're from, we share a passion for games and (hopefully) at least a passing interest in the politics of our respective nations.

The build-up of election coverage in the news here must have got the politics part of my brain scrambled with the video game part, because I started comparing parties to games. Here are some of the games our political players could adapt for their propaganda.

Conservative Party

The Tories (as they are also known) are a center-right party who were in power for most of the last century. Two of the most famous Prime Ministers — Winston Churchill and Margaret Thatcher — were both Conservatives.

Although not their main policy, the Tories are trying to seduce posh rural voters by proposing to offer the repeal of the 2004 Hunting Act (which banned hunting foxes with dogs) to a parliamentary vote. Overlord 2 did a good job of making animal cruelty fun, and your minions rode wolves, so doglike animations are already in there. All Triumph Studios have to do is add horses, silly red coats, and black jodhpurs, then replace the seals with foxes. If it doesn't show voters the fun of fox hunting, then at least they can sell it to disappointed huntsmen.

Labour Party

Formerly a center-left socialist party, Labour has shifted further to the center since 1997. Everybody's favorite lap-dog, former PM Tony Blair, and Labour leaders have recently been defending the government's actions in the run-up to the 2003 invasion of Iraq, at the Chilcott Enquiry. They need something to recast the war in a positive light.

There are plenty of Flash games in which you can hang Saddam, but Labour can use money saved fiddling their expenses to commission something bigger. Atomic Games are looking for a publisher for Six Days in Fallujah, so wouldn't it be a good idea for Labour to fund it? They'd just have to move the setting away from Fallujah and re-record the voices with British accents. They'd have the perfect game to honor our boys in the Middle East and challenge the Call of Duty franchise. Right?

Liberal Democrat Party

The Lib Dems are the last (in terms of support) and left-most of the three major parties. They haven't a chance of winning, but they could become part of a coalition with either Labour or the Tories if (as commentators expect) no single party wins a majority of seats. So the Lib Dems are potential king-makers. Or PM-makers — we already have royalty.

They could end up being a guy with two potential suitors fighting over him. Sounds like the Sims, no? Here's how to make your custom Lib Dem Sims scenario:

1. Create three identical white men with dark hair: Gordon Brown (Lab), David Cameron (Con), and Nick Clegg (Lib).
2. Put Brown and Cameron in one house, Clegg in another.
3. Take control of the Brown-Cameron household and invite Clegg over.
4. Flirt outrageously with him until he agrees to marry one or the other.

And remember — if you fail, the UK is stuck with a hung parliament where nothing gets done without MPs agreeing. And who wants that?

Official Monster Raving Loony Party

A joke party, obviously, but some of their policies — such as lowering the voting age to 18, passports for pets, and 24 hour alcohol licenses — have become law. Campaigning on a pro-absurdity platform this election, they propose:

• air-conditioning units on the outsides of houses to combat global warming,
• buying a new Speaker for the House of Commons,
• and shock-collars for politicians, to be activated whenever they lie.

The OMRLP (seen here at their 2008 conference) made an appearance in point-and-click adventure game Time Gentlemen, Please! They won power and handed Britain to the USA, becoming the 51st state. A Bizarre spin-off with a quirky sense of humor is surely in order.

British Nazi National Party

Last and least, the BNP are a pack of fascists and football hooligans. They're terrified of gays, Muslims, and non-whites.

So Ethnic Cleansing, right? Some members would love that, but they wouldn't admit it publicly. They are openly anti-immigration though, so Space Invaders would be perfect for them — just replace the alien sprites with non-whites. Imaginary waves of brown people shuffle towards our shores, salivating at the prospect of destroying white culture, epitomised by a Morris dancer who throws handkerchiefs up the screen. The irony of appropriating a Japanese game will be lost on the morons who in 2009 used a Polish Spitfire on an anti-immigration poster.

The UK is home to dozens of political parties — I'd love to hear your suggestions for the parties I missed, and the parties around the world. And please, if you can, don't forget to vote on May 6th for anyone but the BNP.