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Interview conducted on January 12, 2009
In July of 1987 Nintendo released a new game called, “Kid Icarus”, starring Pit; a spunky, young boy with a bow and arrow in his hands and the world as his playground.
His story was one of legends
It began in a Kingdom of Angel Land, where man and gods coexisted as one. Ruled by two goddesses, Palutena, Goddess of Light and Medusa, Goddess of darkness; the kingdom would soon face its greatest test and require an even greater hero.
Palutena was a noble Goddess who loved to help the mortals nurture their crops, while Medusa, being the wicked Goddess that she was, destroyed the crops of all the mortals and then proceeded to turn all the mortals to stone. Angered at Medusa’s actions, Palutena decided to take action and transformed Medusa into a hideous monster; who would then be banished to the underworld.
Medusa was not one to simply roll over and let Palutena ruin everything for her. She assembled an army of monsters and evil spirits from the depths of the underworld and led them on a mission to conquer and ultimately destroy Palutena’s home in the Palace in the Sky. As one can imagine, a massive war broke out. Medusa’s army proved to be too much for Palutena’s army to handle and so the Palace in the Sky was destroyed and the Goddess of Light was imprisoned by Medusa.
Medusa seized the Three Sacred Treasures from the Palace in the Sky and gave them to her minions. It was at this point that the imprisoned Palutena realized that she needed to seek the help of a hero. That hero would be Pit, who was an angel trapped in the darkness of the Underworld.
Palutena used her last bit of strength to give Pit a magical bow. With Bow in hand, Pit escaped the Underworld and set forth to retrieve the Sacred Treasures from Medusa’s minions and bring Medusa down once and for all.
Pit completed his quest and defeated Medusa; saving the Kingdom of Angel Land and restoring Palutena to her rightful place as Goddess of Light. And so, Pit became the hero of the Kingdom of Angel Land.
You may ask, what has become of Pit now? Stay tuned after the break to find out.
Welcome back to The PixelJumpers True Pixelwood Story: Pit: The Fallen Angel
Today we have in studio a special surprise for our audience; an exclusive interview with Pit, the former kid star:
I’d like to first welcome you to the show. We know you are busy and appreciate you taking time out of your day to be here.
Pit: Yea sure, I mean yeah, I’ve got some time to kill.
If you don’t mind, let’s get right into it.
Pit: First pass me that bottle.
You mean the Budweiser?
Pit: Yeah, I don’t do interviews without my trusty power-up.
Um, sure I guess. We don’t usually let our guests drink during an interview.
Pit: Well, I’m Pit; Child super star! That’s why I’m here.
(I pass Pit the Budweiser. He starts chugging it.)
When was the last time you did an interview?
Pit: (Burp) Um…way back in 1987, my glory year.
So, you were a fairly successful kid star, with your debut in “Kid Icarus”; what are you doing with yourself nowadays?
Pit: Nowadays? Um…well I’ve been doing, like things and stuff. You know. I can’t really talk about it.
It’s been heavily rumored that you are doing a new Kid Icarus game. Is that what you are not allowed to talk about?
Pit: New game? Are you blind? You obviously aren’t looking at me. I’m in no shape to be a dumb kid hero again.
I had noticed, but didn’t want to offend you by saying anything. For our viewers at home, do you mind if we show them a picture of you in your current state?
Pit: Yeah, but you better not say I’m fat!
(Pit now weighs about 350 pounds, with a beer belly. He is wearing a wife beater, with short shorts and still has his wings, although they have mysteriously not grown proportionally with his body.)
So Pit, would you say that picture is an accurate depiction of yourself?
Pit: Damn straight. I’m one sexy angel. You know you want me.
Um, well I’m glad to see you still have some confidence left, but lets get back to the topic at hand. Where were we… ah yes, so tell us, what happened to you?
Pit: Wait…where’s my Budweiser!
You finished it.
Pit: Well give me another! I know I brought a six pack with me.
(I hand Pit another Budweiser)
Pit: That’s more like it. Now what did you say?
I was asking, what happened to you?
Pit: Well isn’t it obvious? “Kid Icarus” made me a huge star. I was swimming in the money and (burp) I believed that my wings would really take me places. Obviously, Nintendo had other plans.
You were the up and coming star; do you feel Nintendo overlooked your success in “Kid Icarus”?
Pit: I am a star! Man, don’t you see all the fans I have. They are all begging for me to come back.
Why don’t you hold that thought? We will be right back with Pit after this short commercial break.
Welcome back to The PixelJumpers True Pixelwood Story of Pit; The Fallen Angel
Now back to our exclusive interview.
As I was saying, do you believe that Nintendo overlooked your success in “Kid Icarus”?
Pit: Hell yeah. I mean my buddies, Mario, Luigi, Samus and Link all believed in me. We always used to go out partying, that’s until Nintendo dropped me. Nintendo didn’t (burp) believe in me.
Why do you think Nintendo didn’t believe in you?
Pit: S**t man, I’m one cocky bastard. That’s why.
Do you think being cocky as opposed to modest and humble like the other rising Nintendo stars ultimately made Nintendo drop you off the map?
Pit: Ultimately, (Burp) I believe that s**t happened and now I’m here.
That’s a rather pessimistic way of looking at things.
Pit: Yeah, well I’m a balding, fat guy with small angel wings; what did you expect?
But what about your recent appearance in the 2008 smash hit, “Super Smash Bros. Brawl” for the Nintendo Wii?
Pit: (Burp) Super Smash what?
Are you telling me you don’t recall being in one of the biggest games of 2008?
Pit: Man, I haven’t been in a video game since 1987!
So then who was the Pit we all saw in the game? I mean you can clearly see that it’s you in the trailer below.
[embed:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0EoJhfmVPZk ]
Pit: Oh, that game. That’s not me. Did you actually think Nintendo would still use me! I mean come on, look at me. I’m a mess. That’s their “new” Pit. His real name is Sam Smity; and he is a child star impersonator. Does a good job, don’t you think?
Wait a second, are you telling me that they used an impersonator?
Pit: Are you deaf? I just said that. (Burp) Now give me another power-up!
Calm down, and I’m sorry but there are no more power-ups available at the moment.
Pit: No more! Where’s my six pack?
We threw it out. We don’t need you getting wasted on the set.
Pit: That’s my s**t! You can’t just take an angels beer like that!
Now calm down Pit. Let’s finish this interview and then you can have whatever you want.
(Pit gets up from his chair and tries to throw it across the room)
Hey, calm down. I mean look at yourself; you can’t even pick up a chair.
Pit: That’s it, I’ve had it I’m out of here. Waste my time will you!
We had a deal!
Pit: (spitting up while speaking) I don’t work without power-ups! (Burp)
(Pit throws up all over himself)
Oh god! That’s disgusting! Cut to commercial! Cut it!
This was Pit's last interview. His whereabouts have become a mystery till this day.
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