This post has not been edited by the GamesBeat staff. Opinions by GamesBeat community writers do not necessarily reflect those of the staff.

Editor's Note: I love editing Cosmo's writing. He does a phenomenal job using proper punctuation and grammar. I don't even have to change any sentence structure, or remove redundant words that mean the same thing, or even stuff that isn't explained good. Top-notch work, Cosmo. – Bertt.

 

 Brett and I agree to meet at the local coffee shop, 'Donde Esta el Bano', the same place I used to interview Dan Hsu.

Brett pulls into the parking lot in his red, smokin' hot Ferrari. I guess all people in California are loaded beyond belief. Brett steps out of the car and a magic red carpet rolls out beneath his feet, and stops at the door of the coffee shop. He's wearing silver sunglasses lined with gold around the frame, and when he smiles the sun reflects violently off of his teeth.

Yep, loaded.

Cosmo: Hey Brett!

Brett stops mid-stride. With his left pinky finger he slowly lowers his sunglasses and looks right at me. He's wearing contact lenses, the left eye says "bit" and the right eye says "mob".

Brett: Do I know you?

Cosmo: Ha ha, good one.

Brett:…[Doesn't laugh]

Cosmo: It's Cosmo. I met you at PAX East.

Brett: Um. I met a lot of people there.

Cosmo: We had dinner together.

Brett: Oh yeah! Hey man, how's it going?

Cosmo: Good.

Brett: What are you doing here?

Cosmo: I'm here to interview you. Remember?

Brett: Nope, not really. But I guess I have time. I'm heading over to a secret press conference where I get to try out amazing games that you won't even see for another two years. It's great.

Cosmo: Oh cool.

Brett smiles. The light in the coffee shop reflects off of his teeth, causing a napkin on the table next to me to catch on fire. The waiter rushes over and extinguishes the flames with a large cup of water.

Brett: Let's get some tunes goin' up in here!

 Suddenly, a small man appears behind Brett. He is carrying an old-school boombox, and inserts a cassette tape. Much to no one's surprise, Jamiroquai comes on.

At this point in the "interview," Brett begins to shake what his mother and father gave him by way of procreation, and jumps on top of my table, knocking over my overpriced coffee.

I get up and leave, only turning around once to make sure the waiter was able to grab the tip I left, in-between Brett's crazy foot loose ways.