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Although Nintendo sort-of revealed the Nintendo 3DS already, other than acknowledging that the system exists, the company hasn't had much to say about their 3D plans. Like me you're probably wondering if 3D is just a gimmick. Well, I recently spent some time with Super Mario 3-Dees, and I can safely say that 3D doesn't taste very good.
What the hell am I talking about? I'm talking about Au'some's Super Mario 3-Dees — gummy-flavored Mario candy that's for some reason available at Bed Bath & Beyond. The full roster of editor characters includes Mario, Yoshi, Donkey Kong, and Diddy Kong. Each character is available in two different flavors. While it's nice to have both orange and mixed-berries versions of Mario, I think the developers would have been better off expanding the roster to include other well-known characters.
Hit the jump for the rest of the review.
Graphics: The candy's name and box art gave me hope that the candy wouldn't look like neon-colored cat turds. Unfortunately, the candy looks just like neon-colored cat turds. The character models are recognizable, but they're often completely flat on one side and they are very poorly animated. I really expected more from Nintendo here.
Sound: Both the Mario and Donkey Kong series are well-known for catchy music and memorable sound effects. The same can't be said for their candy. Other than a slight whimper from Diddy Kong as I bit off Yoshi's head, I didn't hear a thing.
Gameplay: My mom always told me to not to play with my food. I think that's pretty good advice, so I decided against acting out a Super Smash Bros. Melee battle with my snacks. So I just sat there and watched them do nothing for an hour. It was about as exciting as picking flowers in Red Dead Redemption. Zing!
Taste: Bad graphics, no sound, underwhelming gameplay…and they taste like my kitchen floor. The only flavor I enjoyed was the orange-flavored Mario and DK, though I have to admit that I thought they were lemon-flavored until I checked the box. Whatever the flavor, it's safe to say that Birdo/Birdetta is no longer the fruitiest character in the Nintendo universe. I offer him/her my condolonces. Here's how the candies ranked in order of "most-delicious" to "the Virtual Boy of candy."
Orange Mario: Fantastic, even though I thought he was lemon.
Orange Donkey Kong: Yummy, but it's more fun to bite off Mario's head.
Watermelon Yoshi: I really enjoyed biting off his nose and then his head. He didn't taste great though.
Mixed Berries Mario: Tastes like cranberries and cranberries suck.
Mixed Berries Donkey Kong: Unlike Orange DK, he has no discernable eyes. Creepy!
Strawberry Diddy Kong. Maybe my taste buds were shot at this point, but he tasted like nothing.
Watermelon Diddy Kong: This was the last one I ate and I gagged a bit as it went down. I hate you, Diddy Kong.
Overall: 4.5 (Better than biting your tongue, worse than stale bread)