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Games have been home to a lot of strange and unstable characters, but some say things that make you stop and think, “Huh? What did he just say?” Here are five crazy quotes from delusional characters in games that don’t take themselves too seriously.
SimCity 2000
“YOU CAN’T CUT BACK ON FUNDING! YOU WILL REGRET THIS!” -transport advisor
That is what the transport advisor says when you cut back on funding for transportation in your city. You soon find roads and rail being destroyed unexpectedly. You should not mess with this man. He is dangerous.
Lufia 2
Maxim: The truth? I want to know about the destroyer. My destiny is to…fight. Fight someone…
Selan: Your destiny?
Maxim: A woman in a cave told me this. I don't know if I believe what she said, but something disturbs me…
If a woman in a cave said it, it must be true, right? Every JRPG hero is chosen to defeat some unimaginable evil. Lufia 2 makes fun of this with fantastic self-parody. The game is full of great lines that poke fun at JRPG tropes and conventions, but this is one of my favorites because it so blatantly points out how stupid it is when heroes are told they are destined to save the world by a random stranger.
Check out this video for some context — Maxim meets the woman in the cave at around the 8 minute mark.
[embed:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Cy5aUIgIC8 ]
Final Fantasy 6
“Hee-hee… Nothing beats the sweet music of hundreds of voices screaming in unison! Uwee-hee-hee!” -Kefka Palazzo
This indicates the precise moment I realized Kefka is not your average villain; he is utterly insane, with barely even a shred of humanity in him. Kefka is quite possibly the most frightening and well-written bad guys to ever appear in a video game. And this is the point at which this first becomes clear.
Bully
“Hey, relax, friend, you're all pent up. Go easy or they'll put you on medication. They did to me, boy, nearly sent me insane.” -Gary Smith
The great thing about this line is that Gary is paranoid and delusional sociopath with attention-deficit disorder. To him, having to fight medication that tried to remedy these problems was the real issue. I suspect it’s also a jab at parents and health professionals who try to “fix” their children with medication, rather than working through to the root of the problem.
Psychonauts
Boyd Cooper's rambling conspiracy theories.
Psychonauts is one of the funniest and craziest games ever made. But one character in particular stands out in his insanity: Boyd Cooper, the security guard at Thorney Towers insane asylum. I once heard Tim Schafer talk about the character design in Psychonauts. Apparently, there was a highly paranoid man that would hang around near Double Fine studio, spouting out all kinds of nonsense conspiracy theories. One day Schafer decided to write some of them down. And so Boyd Cooper was born.
I transcribed a few minutes of his ramblings. Check it out:
“With the backing of the five richest families in the country. Who are the puppet masters of… The squirrels… Have been spitting on me all day. Hehe. And if I know anything, I know that they…were digging away at the plastics. Okay, okay, but…hmmm. Wait, why did I say that? I have to get rid of some of this stuff!
They should paint their garage door the same color as everyone else's. Someone has to get this information to the people!
And the little girl stuck her finger in the dyke and saved all the windmills. But who does the little girl work for? Big oil, er, in conjunction with… organized labor… Er, with the full blessing of… riiiight…the intelligence community…were dialing in through the optics. Ha! Like I don't know that they…do this horrible thing, but in conjunction with who? Or whom? If they find out I know this stuff, I'm dead.
But of course you know all this because you're Australian…and nobody seems to care.”
I was particularly amused when he spoke that last part, because I am Australian.