This post has not been edited by the GamesBeat staff. Opinions by GamesBeat community writers do not necessarily reflect those of the staff.
Editor's note: Before Frank becomes a famous author, I'd like to take credit for promoting that Metro 2033 story and spring-boarding his career as a fiction author. Seriously though, I'm really happy that Bitmob provided the impetus for him to start writing fiction again. Maybe someone should take inspiration from Frank and start a series titled: Can Bitmob Make the World a Better Place? – Jay
I used to write short stories, movie scripts, and rough outlines for novels that I promised myself I would finish one day. I took as many creative writing classes in college as I possibly could. Then, one day, I threw almost all of my collected works away in a fit of anger and depression.
I toiled, obsessed, rewrote, and edited my work so much that the characters, meaning, and tone were often in flux. I was truly scared of my writing. The characters seemed so real in my head, but once they were on paper it was like looking at them through a fun house mirror. Sometimes it seemed like they were in control and demanding to be made real, yet they never seemed to stand still long enough for me to truly capture their image. I couldn’t stand my own work anymore and wanted it all as far away from me as possible.
My desire to be perfect started to impede my ability to write well, and on my last day in my college apartment it seemed like a wise idea to purge it all. I stopped writing fiction, and thought there was a good chance that I would never return to it. Then, by a bit of luck, I became the video game reviewer for my local paper's entertainment magazine. I actually got paid to write!
I was more than a bit surprised by not just how quickly I got the job, but at how much I enjoyed returning to writing. I had never engaged in games-based writing other than commenting on the 1UP message boards, but somehow I was now a paid game reviewer. It boggled my mind.
After a while, I moved on from writing for the entertainment magazine and started working on crafting my own website and podcast with a few friends. While the site never panned out, writing numerous reviews and some legitimate articles helped take my skills to the next level. I still cringed a bit if I reread a piece a few days after writing it, but I no longer felt like my writing had an uncontrollable life of its own.
Here, I found a Mecca of aspiring writers who were as dedicated to writing as I was. I also found extremely helpful editors who taught me that sometimes the very best editing of your personal work comes not from yourself, but from an objective observer.
Two events truly pushed me back to writing fiction. First, I wrote a small post here that was a short story based off the game Metro 2033. I thought it would pass off the Mobfeed with very few hits and little attention, but instead it was picked up, edited, and put on the main page. It shocked me that the community was receptive to what equated to fan fiction, but I also took pride in this piece in a way that I never did back when writing fiction was my main focus.
The tipping point came once I played the game Alan Wake. It tells the story of a writer who takes a holiday in the town of Bright Falls. He suffers from writers block, and possessed townsfolk — who may or may not be characters of his own creation — haunt him constantly. The story deeply affected me, although it was far from perfect. As a matter of fact, the story had more than a few holes and dangling plotlines. What truly moved me was seeing Alan so completely haunted by his own writing.
It made me think about my own past as a writer and and made me realize how differently I approach the craft now. It convinced me that I needed to return to fiction to see if I could apply all the lessons I learned from writing about games. I bought a new, leather-bound notebook and began to write down story ideas and characters. I even started writing a piece of autobiographical fiction.
Right now, my plan is to write one page per day of the autobiographical novel while molding the plot for a bigger piece that will take a good deal of research and planning. I have also decided to write stories for a YA (Young Adult) audience, rather than the more adult (and bleak) material I used to create. I would like to be more grandiose and write more than just one page a day, but I also have a three-month-old son to take care of, and I am in a master’s program which is geared towards me becoming a middle-school teacher. My plate is pretty full.
The only downside to my newfound motivation is that I will have very little time to craft my extended articles, like my Can Video Games Make the World a Better Place? posts, here on Bitmob. I will still participate regularly in Bitmob activities, and I will still be commenting and posting smaller scale articles from time to time. For now, however, I am going to try to focus most of my available writing time on fiction. I might not be completely free of the demons that plagued me in the past, but I now have faith that I can conquer my fears. I also know that I will have help making my work the best it can be, and this ability to trust others is a major source of relief.
For all of this, I cannot thank Bitmob, and Alan Wake, enough!