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Editor's note: I'm in Chase's camp — I'm sick of beating up on Bowser in Mario games. It's time to let some of his other foes spread their villainous wings. -Jason


Plumbers and turtles. They’ve been locked in a crazy, sometimes intergalactic war for about a quarter of a century now. I’ve beaten Bowser more times than I care to count. I’ve jumped on ax switches to send him to a red-watery grave. I’ve grabbed his scaly yellow tail and thrown him into a red-watery grave. I outran him until he sunk into a red-watery – well, you get idea.

The point is I’m a little tired of making turtle soup. I want something different. Mario’s had to make other enemies after 25 years, right?

I hope you didn’t answer that. It was rhetorical. The truth is, Mario has had many villains in the past, but for some reason, none of them have been able to stick.

 

He may be a relic of Doki Doki Panic, but Wart and his minions are still squarely in the Mario universe. Shy Guys, Bob-ombs, and Pokeys have all stood the test of time, but where’s Wart? You know that crazy tadpole has had to be cooking up something big.

A year after Super Mario Bros 2, Tatanga made his debut in Super Mario Land. “A princess-poaching monster,” you say? “That certainly sounds familiar.” True, but the guy’s an alien. He flies around in a spaceship. Mario has to get in a plane to beat him. More importantly, he’s got his sights set on Daisy, not Peach, which would leave the door wide open for a real Luigi game.

Wart does end up suffering from looking a lot like Bowser, though, and Tatanga’s definitely not among gamers' common knowledge. If only Mario had some type of rival, one who was well known by the mainstream audience yet would appear fresh to gamers, possibly someone who dons purple and gold. Know someone like that?

Again, the question was rhetorical. Wario is just the man for the job. In Super Mario Land 2: 6 Golden Coins, the dude was a bad ass. He stole Mario’s castle and brainwashed the entire populace. Unfortunately, these days Wario’s most dubious dealings are some illegitimate minigame business practices. But with glimpses of leftover evil in games like Super Smash Bros. Brawl, hope exists that the old Wario might still be in there somewhere. Hell, bring Waluigi, too. Having two main villains in a single game might bring with it some interesting gameplay opportunities.

I like Bowser. I really do. But he hasn’t changed much in his 25-year history. Let’s mix it up a bit, Nintendo. Y’know, Bowser wasn’t even Mario’s first antagonist. That title belongs to a certain barrel-tossing simian.