This post has not been edited by the GamesBeat staff. Opinions by GamesBeat community writers do not necessarily reflect those of the staff.
NEW YORK, NY – Following months of courtroom arguments, Judge Francis Wrightworth ruled that a lawsuit brought up against Sony Corporation was nothing but a marketing hoax to promote the company's 3D gaming technology.
Plaintiff Rodney Flerburg, star quarterback of the Long Island Blimps, was suing Sony on multiple charges concerning the “incredibly realistic atmosphere” produced by its 3D-capable televisions and PlayStation 3 game consoles. Several months ago, Flerburg claimed that he was the victim of a handful of incidents stemming from his playing of Madden NFL 2012.
“I have never encountered such an overwhelmingly detailed gaming experience before,” the quarterback read to the press from a written statement. “No developers, especially the talented folks at Sony, should be able to create such immersive environments without warning players about the consequences that may occur from such visceral games.”
Flerburg drew up this warning label to be placed on all of Sony's 3D appliances.
Flerburg then recalled a few of the occasions that prompted his lawsuit. “The first one happened after a long day of practice. I figured I'd sit back and relax, you know, just play some football on my favorite gaming console of all time. However, the great sense of depth that I encountered made me feel like I was really in the middle of an intense game, and before I knew it, I accidentally chucked my controller through the screen of my amazing Sony 3D-TV.”
Added Flerburg, “I mean, keep in mind that I am a pretty strong person. After all, Sony does make extremely sturdy and durable screens for the average consumer.”
This is what happens when a kid forgets to wear the strap on his Wii remote. Use your imagination for the damage a 300-pound quarterback with a PS3 controller would do.
When questioned why he did not include Madden publisher Electronic Arts in the lawsuit, Flerburg would only reply, “EA Sports—It's in the game.”
While explaining his decision to dismiss the case, Judge Wrightworth gave the court some very convincing reasons. “In particular,” the judge stated, “I find it most curious that there is a Sony employee sitting directly behind the plaintiff who is constantly whispering into his ear. Also, months before the lawsuit was issued, the plaintiff starred in three Sony commercials, even having a comedic argument with their 'vice president of 3D epicness', Kevin Butler, in one of them.”
Judge Wrightworth also commented, “Mostly, I just can't stand sports gamers. I mean, can you really even call a person a gamer if all they buy is the same rehashed Madden year after year?”
Teammates of Flerburg have expressed their disagreement with the judge's decision, saying that their quarterback was not part of a marketing ploy, and the 3D technology was causing him serious psychological problems.
“A few days after the first incident, Rodney came to practice wearing these ugly glasses and holding a controller in his hands,” said a receiver for the Blimps. “He refused to even touch the ball, and when I didn't receive his pass—which he didn't throw in the first place—he started shouting 'What the heck? I pressed triangle!' and muttering something about glitches. We are all very worried.”
To account for Flerburg's manner of speech, the team's manager explained that it was a common side-effect of “over-endorsement syndrome”, which is a frequently occurring disorder among athletes and television stars. Also, the person sitting behind Flerburg was supposedly a family member who made the unfortunate decision to wear a Sony t-shirt to the trial.
Flerburg has already submitted an appeal to the court and is awaiting a reply. “I'm just hoping such a generous company like Sony will find it in its heart to compensate me so that I can get back to enjoying its excellent line of consumer products, including the PlayStation 3 game system and the new God of War IV: Revenge of Medusa, coming to a store near you this holiday season.”
3D technology is being pushed like never before in movies, televisions, and now in video games, but like many others, I remain a skeptic. Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely excited for the 3DS (partly so I can finally stop using my DS Phat), but I guarantee that there is no way I am buying a brand-new 3D-capable television and uncomfortable glasses just to play games that should be equally fun without the added gimmick. I would love to try it out just to see what it is like, but Sony is still approaching it from the wrong way. I cannot see the average consumer rushing out to buy all of this extremely expensive and unnecessary technology when most people have just recently upgraded to HD. If 3D proves to be more than just a short fad, then I could see most people eventually embracing it (glasses-free of course), but it is far too early now. What are your opinions on this issue, and are you planning on going 3D anytime soon?
Read more articles from the Week of the Vegetable:
Day 1: Publisher Devises New Way to Combat Piracy
Day 2: Man Charged With Neglecting Virtual Pets
Day 3: Study – Video Games Not a Primary Cause of Obesity
Day 4: Casual Game Takes Realism to Whole New Level
Day 5: Opinion – You Darn Kids Stay Off My Lawn!
Day 6: Local Man Exploits Glitch in Spacetime, Banned from Universe
Well, I hope you enjoyed the Week of the Vegetable. Hopefully I will be able to write these articles more regularly (not likely, as classes start in less than a month). Thanks for reading!