A Letter To Remedy

Last week my girlfriend and I had a fight and it was your fault.

 

The horrifying incident occurred when my girlfriend left town for a few days and made me vow to not watch any episodes of True Blood while she was away (it's like crack). Being the chivalrous and selfless boyfriend that I am, I obliged, deciding I could spend my late evening hours playing Alan Wake's The Signal instead — a grievous mistake. 

 

I played The Signal long into the night, satisfyingly completing it in one go. Excited, I told my girlfriend when she returned from her trip. To my surprise, Remedy, she was outraged. She gave me a look like I had cheated on her and kicked a small dog at the same time. She then yelled and raged across my apartment, using her sharp wit to emasculate me in front of my emotionally sensitive furniture. 

 

She stated through gritted teeth that it would've been better had I watched True Blood without her than continue Alan Wake while she was not on the couch surfing on my laptop. 

 

So this incident leads me to question, Remedy, why is there no warning for this behavior on Alan Wake's box? This kind of design oversight is unforgivable. If you had no room on the box because you had to make space for the Verizon logo, I would've been okay with just a loading screen tip:

 

Caution: Alan Wake's story will captivate your significant other even if they appear disinterested while you play. Progress without them at your own risk.

 

So as penance I now have to replay The Signal (which I was going to do anyway) and withstand another dose of shameless Verizon plugging.

 

I expect full compensation for this incident in the form of a screenshot of your music team's iTunes library and an Alan Wake cutout signed by Berry himself. 

 

Your faithful fan,

Rick Knight

 

P.S. I still love you.

 

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Rick Knight is a professional online copywriter, designer, and blogger who needs to be cautious about exposing females to video games. Follow him on Twitter @knightrick or visit his portfolio website, gamerwords.com. 

P.S. I still love you. A Letter To Remedy

 

Dear Remedy,

 

My girlfriend and I had a fight and it was your fault. Last week my girlfriend left town for a few days and made me vow to not watch any episodes of True Blood while she was away. Being the chivalrous and upstanding boyfriend that I am, I obliged, deciding I could spend my late evening hours playing Alan Wake's The Signal instead — a grievous mistake. 

 

I played The Signal long into the night, satisfyingly completing it in one go. Excited, I told my girlfriend when she returned from her trip. To my surprise, Remedy, she was outraged. She gave me a look like I had cheated on her and kicked a dog all at the same time. She then yelled and raged across my apartment, using her sharp wit to emasculate me in front of my emotionally sensitive furniture. 

 

She stated through gritted teeth that it would've been better had I watched True Blood without her than continue Alan Wake while she was not on the couch surfing on my laptop. 

 

So this incident leads me to question, Remedy, why is there no warning for this behavior on Alan Wake's box? This kind of design oversight is unforgivable. If you had no room on the box because you had to make space for the Verizon logo, I would've been okay with just a loading screen tip:

 

Caution: Alan Wake's story will captivate your significant other even if they appear disinterested while you play. Progress without them at your own risk.

 

So as penance I now have to replay The Signal (which I was going to do anyway) and withstand another dose of shameless Verizon plugging. I live in Canada, Remedy. We can't choose to sign up for Verizon even if we wanted to. 

 

I expect full compensation for this incident in the form of a screenshot of your iTunes library and an Alan Wake cutout signed by Berry himself. 

 

Your faithful fan,

Rick Knight

 

P.S. I still love you.