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Being a perfectionist sucks. Everyone knows the perfectionist in the office — he's the guy who never makes a mistake, but when he does he shows you your error in catching his mistake and suddenly the catcher becomes the cowering, crying five year old who just dropped his double-scoop waffle cone into the toilet. It just never seems to work out.
Catching that schmuck in a mistake would be like swimming in a chocolate lake: delicious, and most satisfying.
Nintendo is, in my mind, a perfectionist when it comes to making video games.
Each and every game made by Nintendo has what we call Nintendo quality — a term that itself means perfection, flawless, immaculate, untarnished, untainted, and so on.
Of course, nobody is perfect.
Below you'll see that Nintendo is no exception to the rule, and I've started by pointing out their most recent blunder: the Metroid Other M game-breaking glitch.
Metoid Other M, released not quite a month ago — as of this writing — has a game-breaking glitch. Apparently, if you backtrack to the room where you obtained the Ice Beam after you defeat the enemies with the spiked, purple legs, the door you should've gone through instead of backtracking will become permanently locked.
Bummer.
Sounds like the Ice Beam freezes more than just enemies. OH! Ho-ho-ho!
Nintendo swooped in for the solution though, and all you have to do is send them your SD card with your save data on it. Yep, you have to send in your actual SD card by calling Nintendo and setting up some sort of physical contact with a mail person.
The easy joke is that if Nintendo had included a hard drive with the Wii, they could've just patched it. But I won't say it. And I also won't quote Satoru Iwata: "Customers do not want online games." Because, of course, Nintendo don't make no mistakes and they don't need no online just-in-case they need to patch their perfect game, is what he ultimately implied.
I say, "But we want broken games even less."
Nintendo's official statement on how to avoid this issue, and how it can be remedied, can be found here: Metroid Other M.
Did you know the human body is about 70 percent water? It's true. Water also covers about 70 percent of the earth's surface, too.
Water earth. Or water world.
Shigeru Miyamoto is obviously a huge fan of this life-sustaining substance, and even made a game about it featuring everyone's favorite toilet water connoisseur, Mario.
Super Mario Sunshine, Miyamoto's Gamecube Mario debut, had a terribly misleading title. When I read the title and saw a screenshot, I thought, "Oh sweet! Mario's got a flamethrower!" And it made sense, too. Mario would capture the power of the sun and burn anyone and anything that got in his path.
See how much cooler this could've been?
The glitch was Nintendo forgot to add the awesome, and the flamethrower, and instead had us cleaning up someone else's mess on an island we accidentally crash landed on. It's almost the plot for Lost, except smokin' hot Sawyer is no where to be found!
Mamma mia.
The most famous Nintendo glitch is, of course, the Super Mario Bros. music glitch. It's the one where
I heard the background music once and was unable to take that moment back, no matter how many times I drove my dad's DeLorean down the highway.
Sometimes I wake in the middle of night humming the Super Mario Bros. song out loud. My wife is quick with her pillow to my face as a reminder that she's suffered the same glitch, but by some miracle has been able to cover it with other meaningless, horrible pieces of "music."
Pieces like This Is The Song That Never Ends by Lambchop, or anything by Fergie.
The only way to destroy something horrible is by replacing it with something even worse.
[embed:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MiAxiGZKpGQ ]
As far as I know, Nintendo hasn't been able to fully remedy this glitch after 25 painful years.
What will the king of perfection's next glitch be? More terrible music? More misleading names? Or perhaps another door that never opens, no matter how many times you say, "I have my pants on this time!"?
Only time will tell.
What's your favorite Nintendo glitch?