This post has not been edited by the GamesBeat staff. Opinions by GamesBeat community writers do not necessarily reflect those of the staff.
There’s nothing quite like that new-game smell. Everyone who has ever opened a brand-new game knows that it always emits a distinct fragrance.
Here are the six new-game smells that really stuck with me.
Super Mario Bros. 3
Are those gold nipples?
This game came in a cardboard box, but that doesn't mean it lacked a new-game smell.
When I got Super Mario Bros. 3 ages ago, I remember tearing open the package and sticking my schnauzer straight inside. At that point three things happened: my little sister’s face turned to spaghetti, an ostrich flew in front of my window, and perfection. Then the smells hit me. It was like having a man breathe fire-roasted tortoise, a spit-ridden harmonica-whistle, and the dead carcass of a raccoon on me all at the same time.
I passed out and woke up in World 3.
Stacking
Is "Siding" more appropriate in this picture?
This one unwrapped so easily I almost missed the first huff! I quickly moved it to my face and inhaled…cinnamon. Then I remembered I was opening a stick of gum, and that Stacking was a downloadable game. I moved my face against the television…
Now, you know when a rat crawls inside your dryer vent, and all of your clothes smell like rat? And no matter how many times you wash those clothes, the smell doesn’t come off? People start talking, your friends move to New York City, the cat won’t stop biting you…
Well, Stacking is the total opposite of that. Imagine fields of dandelions, daisies, and walruses. Now, imagine you’re a giant nose, hovering 12 inches above that field – pure ecstasy. Who knew downloadable titles had a new-game smell?
Superman 64
"I can't open my mouth! It's a solid tooth!"
Not all games I've smelled are flower-tastic. Duped by the idea that the Man Of Steel could do no wrong, I picked up Superman 64 because, hey, Superman.
So there I was, forcing one of my senses to work, when I caught wind: broken dreams, shattered preconceptions, and the unmistakable stink of atrocity. It wasn't much different, I assume, than being the cameraman for "2 Girls 1 Cup."
My left nostril shut down completely, and both of my lungs collapsed as the game fell to the floor. Then, to make things worse, my mom came over and said “I think you dropped this.” She put the cartridge into the Nintendo 64 and snuggled the controller between my limp, trembling hands. Then she turned on the system. “There you go; you should start feeling better any second.”
Unable to move or turn away from the television, I came to two conclusions. One: game systems should never have an auto-play function; And two: no one should ever develop smell-o-vision for video games, least of all Superman 64. All that would emanate from that marriage would be the sweaty de-masculinization of horse children.
Tactics Ogre: Let Us Cling Together
♫The never-ending ciiircle!♫
The only smell I got from Tactics Ogre — before the cashier ripped it from my hands and said, “You can’t just open any game you want. You have to pay for new-game smell!” — was a lousy subtitle. Sadly, I didn’t even get the wrapper all the way off.
Halo: Combat Evolved
The visor reflects the true meaning of life. Just kidding.
My brother and I feverishly pulled the impossible-to-get-off tape from the case. You know what I’m talking about: the tape they use in case the snappy part of the case fails, and the case just flies wide-open, and bugs or small children crawl inside.
Yeah, that tape.
Once we got it open, I ripped it from my brother’s greedy hands. He almost got to smell it first, but I was faster than him.
The scene played-out in slow-motion:
“C-c-c-h-h…” my brother began.
Sniff…It was the perfume of wasting high school graduation money and making my parents think Halo was a computer program I needed for college.
“h-h-r-r-r…”
Sniiiff…It was a hint of the immense satisfaction that comes from buying an M-rated game without being carded.
“r-r-i-I-I…”
Sniiiiiiiiff…It was–
“I-I-S-S-S!”
–it was the realization that my parents were about to rush into the room, demand to know what was wrong, and pry the new game from my hands. So I handed it to my brother. The door flew open. “What’s all the commotion?” my Mom demanded. “Nothing,” we said.
I let the smell linger before putting my finger on what I had inhaled. It was easy to pin-point: chamomile tea bags and hand grenades; two of my favorite things.
Red Dead Redemption
The new flavor of Girl Scout Cookies
New-game smell is like a prophet: When a cherry pie-like aroma fills your smeller, you know it will translate into a great game. Such was the case with Red Dead Redemption.
Before I got out of the store I had ripped off the wrapper and buried my face deep inside its goodness. Gun powder, whore powder, rifles, shotguns, dust, smoke, gun smoke, bullet-hole wound smoke, wilderness: they weren’t cherry pie-like, but they sure did overpower me. I whistled for my wife to bring the car around. “Get me some grits, woman!” I asked her kindly.
Later that night, after I had rubbed my wife’s feet, massaged her neck, washed and scrubbed the bathroom, and put all the kids to bed, she let me…er, I finally decided to start playing the game.
Even after all this time, I can still catch a faint redolence from the game case…And I still want some home-cooked grits, even though I have no idea what they are.
There you have it, my favorite new-game smells. I know the future holds many more odoriferous games, and I can’t wait to experience them!