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Life is full of difficult choices. Go out with friends this weekend or go on 48-hour WoW raid? Miranda, Tali, or Jack? Save Kate or that annoying little worm, Roman? Amidst the cold oppressive clamor of this harsh and unforgiving world, it’s nice to have some clarity.

1) It’s great to be employed!

2) If you’re unemployed, that means more time for gaming!

3) If you fuck up, you can always hit continue.

4) Miranda still loves you…unless you pick the wrong dialogue option. Then you’re SOL.

5) The weekend means it’s time to kick back, down some brewskies, and hit the town…ah, who am I kidding, it means 48 extra hours of gaming!

6) Madison Paige never judges you…

7) …unless you get her burned alive.

8) Screaming obscenities and racial epithets on X-Box Live boosts your sex appeal.

9) When you’re feeling depressed, there’s always gratuitous violence. See: God of War III, Killzone 3, and every FPS made in the last 10 years.

10) Good sex lasts an hour. Good games last 20-40 hours. ‘nuff said.