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Mega Man 9

Mega Man’s 25th anniversary landed with a thud. Capcom has seemingly given up on the mainline series with no Mega Man 11 in sight, creator Keiji Inafune has flown the coop, and Mega Man Universe was cancelled. What the heck are we going to do with this iconic character?

Reinvent the franchise as a hentai game.

Once imagined, it is obvious that this provides an opportunity for Mega Man to recapture the hearts, minds, and pants of his lapsed fans.

Immediately, bosses spring to mind: Tentacle Man and Pillow Woman are two obvious choices. Of course, Dr. Wily’s will have to adopt a slight alteration in how his name is pronounced, but that’s not insurmountable.

As for the new genre direction, it should appeal to Mega Man’s long time fans. Hentai and retro video games share similar audiences: introverted young men with a passion for Japanese culture. Mega Man’s child-like appearance will also appeal to hentai fans who are new to the classic video game franchise.

What’s debatable is whether this will be a genre change at all. Mega Man has always shot white wads out of his phallic arm, uses animal-shaped robotic devices to get the job done, and has bested the likes of Wood Man, Hard Man, and Top Man. It’s practically hentai already.

Of course some changes will have to be made. In particular: huge set of breasts will be added to Mega Man’s character design.

But who doesn’t want that?