I Total Recall’d Arkham City

I strolled through the double-doors into the mall. A few bucks and some change rattled in my pocket. The game store was empty. Not enough for the new game, Batman-something, so I strolled myself right on past. Yep, didn’t even turn back, either. No new game, who cares? I don’t need it.

Batman, though. Just came out. Love that guy, too. Great detective. The game'd be fun, that’s for sure. Too bad, too bad – not enough dough. Not enough.

What’s this? I haven’t seen it before. I ask the guy sitting on the bench, “This new?”

He follows my finger to the sign on the door: Game Memories: Wholesale.  “Nope,” he says. Just like that, Nope. What a dope. Nope. That irks me.

“I ain’t seen it ‘fore.”

“Don’t come here often?” he chides.

“Course I do.”

“Been here awhile.”

“I ain’t seen it ‘fore.”

He shrugs and plays with his phone. Nope. Play with your phone, ya dope. He really irks me.

I stroll on up to the doors and walk in. Just like that, I’m in. The walls are covered with game posters. One poster seems out of place, though. Why’s there a poster of rye bread? And what’s that in the middle? A catcher’s glove? Who cares? These other posters are this game, that game, blah blah. Who cares? This is pointless. I gotta get outta here. I have no money. Gotta go.

“Excuse me? Can I help you with something?” I turn and see a real beauty, a great looking young girl. She ain’t bad, if I do say so. Ain’t bad at all. I’d kiss her, if you want to know the truth. Anytime, too.

“What is this place?” I choke out. What a dope I am!

“We sell game—“

“I got no money. Sorry, beautiful.” Beautiful! Wow, I’m bold. I cut her off, too. What a dope, cut her off.

“No, no. We sell game memories.” She sees my face: I need further explanation. Yeah, I like her. A lot. “Basically,” she continues “we implant the memory of someone else playing the newest games into your mind and it’s as if you’ve played the game yourself. We just got in Batman: Arkham City…” Wow, the way she said Batman was like magic. She sure is beautiful! Love this girl. She can talk, that’s for sure. Her mouth moves like magic. You gotta see her to believe it. “…so are you interested?”

I hand her the only money I got. Man, I love this girl. I’d give her more money if I could and say, Keep it, beautiful. She leads me to the back room and I have a seat in a chair. She hooks up some wires to my head and stuff. Man, she smells good. I hope I smell good. Man, did I shower today? Does Batman shower? 'Course he does. As Bruce Wayne, I bet. She sure is beautiful. She says something but the lights are fading and I can’t hear what she’s saying. I can’t really move, either. Sure is weird. What a dope —

I’m on top of a building. There’s Robin. Good old buddy, that Robin. I’m Batman, of course. Who else? I ain’t no dope. Love Batman. I grab Robin’s mask off’a his face and dance around. “Give me that back!” he whines. What a dope, that Robin. He’s like a baby trying to get his mask back. He jumps on my back and wrestles me to the ground. Must’a slipped or somethin’. Imagine! Batman slipping! Robin, what a dope. “Here’s your mask, ya baby.” He puts it back on and gives me a look. I ignore him and leap off the building. I spread out my cape and soar to the ground. Here come some goons. Look at ‘em! What dopes. I’m Batman. I just punch and kick and wreck their faces up good. They ain’t getting up, that’s for sure. Now off to –

The room comes back into view. “Sorry,” says beautiful. “We don’t want to spoil the game for you.”

I shuffle out the door, stealing glances at her closing the door. What just happened? I’m a dope. I didn’t play no Batman game. I got an interactive trailer is all. What a dope. She sure was beautiful, though. Gotta save my money and get the real game. The phone dope just smiles at me. Play with your phone, ya dope! He irks me.

Great memories, that’s for sure. Arkham City looked great. Robin was fun to mess with, that dope. Gonna save now for sure. Can’t wait, can’t wait. One day.