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I have never had the urge to join an online dating site, and after reading Patricia Hernandez’s article on Kotaku earlier today (http://kotaku.com/5957675/i-dont-want-my-okcupid-dates-to-know-i-like-video-games?tag=dating&post=54061478), I am even more motivated to keep my love life offline. I did empathize somewhat with her dilemma, but didn’tfind the situation impossible. What follows is my response to her, and I would like to share it here as well:
Though I have yet to foray into online dating (your article and experiences explain exactly why), I have learned a few tricks from meeting others in person that have more than helped me avoid the basic creeper.
As with any relationship, it all comes down to respect. I find that when I clearly articulate my hobby and passion for gaming (either in writing or in speech), I quickly see people’s faces light up, sometimes in relief, that I am not a typical gamer or some skeezy gamer girl. I also found that enthusiastically (and accurately) sharing my knowledge of gaming has also opened the doors to more serious and meaningful conversations, gaming related or not.
Another tip that I have found helpful is to be specific about what your interests are in relation to gaming. A general listing of "video games" will bring about the general responses, but if you are specific in which titles you like, which parts of the industry you partake in, or which era of gaming you favor most, it weeds out and shuts down others who do not have that knowledge. It also speaks volumes of how seriously you take your hobby, and it garners a higher respect, I think.
Be open to other gamers who interests in gaming differ from yours. I was once with someone who played Warcraft III and Heroes of Newerth, while I hung around with him comfortably playing my DS, Shenmue or DDR. At times, we would cross over and play the other’s game, and it was great because I got to learn another facet of gaming. Though it may feel strange at first, I will admit that it was nice to not have to share a game together all the time, but still be in each other’s presence.
Most times, when I first meet someone, I keep my love of gaming under wraps. Sometimes I’ll throw a meme or something game specific into conversation, and if they pick up on it, I’ll go from there. I’ve never gotten a poor reaction to revealing that I’m a gamer to those I know. It’s usually just the icing on the cake. I would much rather lead with my personality and have my gaming hobby serve as a treat instead of a title.
It also pays to be picky with your audience, if you’re seriously dating online. OK Cupid, Zoosk and other geek dating sites do nothing but pander to those who are willing to participate, and actually marginalize our interests, I feel. I have personally retired from the dating scene, but with you and others the best of luck!
(x-posted from Kotaku.com)
I find it hard to believe that good guys are hard to find, online or off. I don’t find Bitmob’s community creepy at all. Am I overly optimistic, or entirely naive?