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When my last relationship started, I played fewer video games. I rarely sat down for long evening grinds, and the endless dungeon runs in games like World of Warcraft ceased.
I was convinced that I liked games less — even though my new partner and I still enjoyed them on occasion. She'd met many guys whose lives revolved around video games, and they represented cultural behaviors she loathed. That’s probably why she adored me.
But before long, I started writing about video games. She became distant because of this and began comparing me to past relationships. Even if I didn’t neglect or insult her in the name of obsessive gaming, how did she know I wouldn't? She’d been fooled before.
And so, we separated.
If you’re a self-classified "gamer," relationships become tricky. Whether we like it or not, the attitude of popular gaming culture revolves around men ages 18 to 35 who insult women and their role in this industry. If you saw the occasional reply to some of those “#1ReasonWhy” tweets this week, you’ll understand how bad it is.
Guys, if you immediately describe yourself as a “gamer,” ladies may be afraid you’re one of those male gamer stereotypes. Another mistake is when guys assume any woman who likes games is automatically the perfect “gamer girl.” When labels appear, misconceptions follow. Gamer and geek dating is a mess, which is why some folks recommend avoiding pursuits based on geek interests alone.
So here’s the biggest issue: Women want to work around, play around, and participate in the same culture we enjoy. We need to stop making derogatory jokes, immature insults based on gender, and — most importantly — blatant generalizations (touching back on the whole “gamer girl” thing). She can beat the first level without our help. She’s probably even better at playing the game than you are. Let that sink in for a bit.
We need to understand why these issues arise and work together for solutions. To guys: Women — both within the hobby and the industry itself — aren’t around for our personal enjoyment. They can complete the game on their own, and they can sure as hell design them, too. Once we encourage respect, everyone moves forward.
Now when it comes to relationships, avoid labels and generalizations. Communicate as the partnership evolves. Talk to each other and ask questions. If you have contrasting interests, focus on other strong points that make your experiences exciting. Your first few moments as a couple should revolve around why you work as a group and not just because you both happen to like (or dislike) the exact same thing.
It’s better to focus less on the individual’s interests and more on who they are as a person. After all, just because they love video games doesn’t mean they’ll know how to spend more than five minutes without getting annoyed at you for being you. And when that becomes an issue, screw the games — you have bigger problems.
If you both enjoy video games, don’t focus on how much you like them. Focus on how well you play together.