The Ouya's No Brakes Valet is entertaining mayhem

Imagine a parking lot in the aftermath of a giant storm. That’s what your parking lot will look like after you play No Brakes Valet on the Ouya. It is a simple game whose only objective is to get as many cars in parking spots as possible. At the end of a single round, you get tips based on how well you park the cars and how many you manage to park in actual spots. No Brakes Valet (by Captain Games) is a video game stripped down to the minimal basics, but it somehow still manages to be hilarious and addictive.

You can download this free-to-play game instantly and play it within moments on the big screen. Once you run the app, it launches you right into gameplay without so much as an explanation of controls. You can choose to play alone or with one other person. No Brakes Valet opens from a bird’s-eye view looking down on a parking lot with two entrances on the left — one on the top, and one on the bottom. In a single round, 20 cars careen through both entrances at varying speeds — which range from fast to breakneck. So naturally, you won’t do well at all at first.

Luckily, the gameplay and it’s controls are both very straightforward — toggle the analog stick left or right and the cars respond immediately. If you hold down the stick to the right or left, the car will spin in circles in the indicated direction. You do have some control, however. In a somewhat ironic contradiction of the name, you can actually press the Circle button to use the brakes on most cars, unless the auto comes hurtling in with the flashing sign “No Brakes.” But you can’t give the cars any more gas. If and when you hit anything (such as a wall or other cars), the car loses a huge amount of momentum, and you have to find a parking spot quickly before it rolls to a stop. The cars range in type and size. Occasionally, trucks and buses appear. Keep a look out for the truck that spills chickens across the lot when it hits something–the chickens can move your already parked vehicles around! The prime minister also makes a special appearance once every level. You only get tips for the prime minister if you park their car in the VIP spot (which moves every level). Make sure to avoid the handicap spot, however; you are fined $50 in tips if you park a car illegally there.

At the end of the round, you’re going to end up with a parking lot that most likely looks like it’s been hit by a storm. You will probably have very few cars in legitimate parking spots. The nice thing is that they may still give you tips for just being in a parking spot. I got a $1 tip for parking horizontally across three spots–which we all know would never happen in real life. It’s pretty impossible to get what No Brakes Valet characterizes as a “good score.” Even at my highest score, “Terrible,” accentuated with three explanation marks for emphasis, flashed across the screen.

The multiplayer only has a few slight differences. Four more cars  are spit out in multiplayer mode. These 24 cars are then split up into two colors: red and blue. The first two cars are ejected at the same time, and from that point on, you compete with the other player to rack up as many tips as you can. You’re forced to compete for the best (easiest) parking spots. You can sabotage the other player by running into their already-parked cars. It makes for great fun and definitely lively conversation.

While the No Brakes Valet did surprise me in its capability to entertain, the graphics were definitely subpar. The menu design resembles a drawing done on an Etch A Sketch, and the gameplay itself doesn’t look any better than it did on the mobile screen. Ouya made it clear that their mission was to take mobile games to the television, and that is what it did.

No Brakes Valet turned out to be just as addictive as many apps on the mobile platform. It was a very addictive and entertaining game that was great to have fun with. No Brakes Valet was a simple game whose purpose was to amuse, and it definitely fulfilled that goal.