FAKE GRIMLOCK ANSWER READER QUESTIONS ABOUT HOW MAKE STARTUP AWESOME

ME, FAKEGRIMLOCK, WORLD’S MOST FAMOUS ROBOT STARTUP DINOSAUR. ME HERE TO ANSWER READER QUESTIONS ABOUT STARTUPS, AND PUNCH THEM IN FACE WITH ANSWERS UNTIL THEM DEAD.

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FIRST QUESTION!

katylevinson
How do you get those first few supporters (for a product, parody account, whatever) so you can make them love you?

HOW TINY ACORN BECOME MAJESTIC OAK? GROW IN RIGHT PLACE, AVOID SQUIRRELS.

TWO WAYS FIND RIGHT PLACE TO GROW.

WAY 1: SEARCH UNTIL FIND UNTAPPED MARKET, BUILD PRODUCT FOR MARKET, HOPE YOU RIGHT.

WAY 2: ADMIT YOU KNOW NOTHING, START LOTS OF PRODUCTS, HOPE ONE TAKE OFF BEFORE YOU BROKE OR DEAD.

ONCE ACORN IN RIGHT MARKET, MAKE IT AWESOMELY USEFUL.

IF MARKET FIND ACORN AWESOMELY USEFUL, THEM HELP IT GROW, KILL SQUIRRELS FOR YOU.

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EVEN IF TAKE LONG TIME. KEEP GOING. LONG AS STILL GROWING EVENTUALLY YOU BIG ENOUGH SOMEONE WANT TO CUT YOU DOWN, MAKE YOU INTO CHAIRS.

IF STOP? CUT DOWN ON OWN, PLANT SOMETHING ELSE.

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SECOND PUNY QUESTION!

heyehd
You build a product that leverages users’ content to entice more users to sign up. But at the beginning you have no users or user content. Do you:

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• generate your own content and fake it?
• ask users to sign up and it’s a desert?
• try to springboard off of another social network?
• blow it off and go B to B?

It’s the first 10,000 users — guerrilla cold start….

PATH TO HAVE CONTENT START WITH CONTENT!

IT LIKE SAYING ABOUT EAT OWN DOGFOOD. IT FASTEST WAY LEARN HOW MAKE GOOD TASTING DOGFOOD.

FIRST USERS? OWN TEAM.

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FASTEST FEEDBACK LOOP YOU EVER GET IS DEV NEXT TO YOU.

THAT GET YOU INITIAL CONTENT. AND MAKE PRODUCT NOT COMPLETELY SUCK.

SECOND, RECRUIT EVERYONE. FRIENDS, FAMILY, TWITTER, FACEBOOK, PEOPLE YOU NOT REALLY KNOW ON LINKEDIN, ALL OF THEM. THEM ALPHA TESTERS.

MAKE PRODUCT WORK FOR THEM. NOW HAVE MORE CONTENT. AND PRODUCT THAT ACTUALLY WORK.

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THIRD IS BETA. IGNORE CRAP ABOUT BUILD LANDING PAGE, GET USERS. IT LIE. REAL BETA IS WORK ASS OFF FINDING USERS. WHOLE TEAM NEED TO SPEND TIME ON SOCIAL NETWORKS FINDING USERS. DO WHATEVER IT TAKE.

MAKE PRODUCT WORK FOR BETA. NOW YOU HAVE TONS OF CONTENT. AND PRODUCT THAT MAYBE KIND OF GOOD.

YOU SKIP ONE OF THESE STEPS? YOU FAIL. GO GET JOB NOT WASTING INVESTOR MONEY.

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Gabriel Martin
Have you considered doing things related to empowering entrepreneurs using means besides writing?

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YES.

STILL WORKING ON FIND RIGHT PARTNERS, MODEL. IF INTERESTED, CONTACT ME, FAKEGRIMLOCK.

FIRE WILL BURN.

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Darksquid
What do you do about a co-founder who has lost vision, and wants to bail by selling the company, rather than leveraging existing success and going big?

So beyond that, does the vision founder stick around, or take new opportunity with established startup for executive job, with reasonable equity stake and lots of control? So question now is continue with my own startup that I feel like is doomed for fail now, because of Robin that owns 51%, or go with less equity to new company that is full of win and on nuclear fire?

TAKE MONEY, RUN.

STARTUP LIKE VOLTRON. FIVE LIONS UNITE TO FORM UNSTOPPABLE FORCE.

IF ONE LION TAKE NAP INSTEAD OF FIGHT?

THEN VOLTRON SCREWED.

IF PART OF TEAM NOT ON TEAM, YOU NOT HAVE STARTUP. YOU JUST PEOPLE PRETENDING TO WORK TOGETHER. GO FIND NEW LIONS THAT SERIOUS ABOUT WHOLE “UNITE TO KICK ASS” THING.

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Eric Dobbs
How does a hacker (32) / martial artist (23) / husband (10) / dad (8) / volunteer (5) level-up in social entrepreneur? Already multi-classed, experience penalties and all. On fire, but it’s a frustratingly slow burn.

BY DOING IT.

IF NOT HAVE TIME, STOP DOING OTHER THINGS.

REAL LIFE MUTLI-CLASSING PRETTY OLD SCHOOL. ALWAYS COMES WITH SERIOUS XP PENALTIES, NEVER AS GOOD AS SPECIALIZE.

ONLY EXCEPTION IS DAD OR HUSBAND. THOSE PRETTY GOOD PRESTIGE CLASSES, +5 SOUL REGENERATION BONUS USEFUL IN LONG RUN.

EVERYTHING ELSE? STOP SCREWING AROUND. ANY TIME YOU NOT PURSUING GOAL IS TIME YOU NOT PURSUING GOAL.

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ShanaC
Is there a mrs. grimlock?

ME, FAKEGRIMLOCK, #1 WITH THE LADIES.

ALL OF THEM.

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FAKE GRIMLOCK is the most famous giant robot dinosaur on the entire Internet. He tweets in all caps with advice on how to make your startup more awesome. He is powered by coffee, bacon, beer, and humans. All delicious.

Photo credit: FAKE GRIMLOCK