Mom: I want to run away.
Mike: You’re not allowed to run away. Go back down there.
Mom: Oh, shoot.
Mike: Get ‘em. That’s a bad guy. I don’t think you got him. Or I think you shot him? [My mom continues to shoot his corpse.] Mom, he’s dead now. Reload. Push the square button. You have two bullets left.
Mom: Which one?
Mike: The square, the square. All right. Now go over there. Take your time and aim.
Mom: I’m not good with buttons.
Mike: All you gotta do is turn left. Don’t move anymore. Don’t get closer to them, they’ll shoot you. Turn left. Now get one of them — hold down the L button — no, no, no. Don’t shoot unless you’re aiming at them.
Mom: What’s the L button?
Mike: This one, this one. Look down. Now move your trigger. You can look around with your head. No, no, no, stop shooting, stop shooting. Don’t shoot. You see the red dot? Don’t shoot until they’re in the red dot. There’s no reason to shoot otherwise. You’re gonna miss. OK. We’re teaching. You’re learning. We know how to aim.
Mom: How do I go down these darn steps?
Mike: You won’t get very far. You know that one guy’s gonna pop out here. He’s right there. Why aren’t you looking? Why don’t you look at him? You didn’t get him.
Above: See, Mom? Aim down the sights.
Mom: I got him!
Mike: You hit the wall about 15 times.
Mom: He’s dead!
Mike: Yeah, because Hendricks killed him.
Mom: That’s why I have a friend with me.
Mike: Turn left. Please turn left. Stop walking to the left. Please stop strafing. Turn! OK.
Mom: [My mom begins to mimic the recorded spiel from Walt Disney World rides when you exit the vehicle.] Step to the left, please.
Mike: OK, now zoom and move. Hold down the zoom button and you can still look. Go up. See that guy? Please. No, no, this guy right here. Go up. Move your red dot on him. It’s not on him yet! You just shot a barrel and it blew up. That’s so lucky.
Mom: I killed him, probably.
Mike: All right, all right. Move forward a little bit. There’s still people. Look, he’s still there, right there.
Mom: Where?
Mike: Behind the red thing. Look at all of them. There he is, get him. What are you shooting at? You just see people and you shoot!
Mom: I don’t understand these stupid buttons.
Mike: Aim down! Hendricks is going to get them all eventually, I guess. Just don’t go too far forward. You’re going to die. Get him! Get him!
Mom: He got him.
Mike: He’s getting all of them! You shot the barrel that blew up. Get him!
Mom: Get out of the way! He’s in my way!
Mike: He’s out of the way now.
[My mom begins extremely animated and excited as a bad guy walks into her crosshairs.]
Mom: Oh, oh! Wow! Wooo!
Mike: OK, move on.
Mom: There are two more!
Mike: Ha, you got ‘em! Oh, my god. I’ve never heard anybody so excited to shoot one person in a video game before. There’s still someone further down there.
Mom: Where?
Mike: Right there!
Mom: Oh, my god.
Mike: Move closer to him and shoot him. Just stay behind stuff like they do so you don’t get shot.
Mom: Oh, OK.
Above: Yeah, multiplayer probably would have been a bad idea.
Mike: That’s a barrel. Why are you shooting it? You’re always shooting at nothing. All right. He’s moving forward. You can shoot him now. Follow them up there. You’ll be safe. What are you shooting at? Catch your breath, for crying out loud. Look how many more people just came. You’re screwed. There’s no way. What are you doing?
Mom: Well, if I shoot the building .. it’ll collapse?
Mike: You’re in the building, Mom!
Mom: That’s OK.
Mike: You’re taking one for your country, huh?
Mom: OK. Where do we go here? What happened to Hendricks?
Mike: He’s killing everybody. There he is. Look at him. He’s an all-star.
Mom: I’m sorry. This is my first time.
Mike: No, no, that’s going to blow up! Don’t shoot that.
Mom: OK. But don’t I want it to blow up a little bit?
Mike: There’s no enemies by it.
Mom: Is that Hendricks?
Mike: Yeah, go to him. He’s going to open the door and finish the level for you. You turned too far.
Mom: Now can I go in?
Mike: Yeah, you can go whenever you want. Go in!
Mom: How do I go in?
Mike: What do you mean, how do you go in? Just walk!
Mom: Oh, I’m sorry.
Mike: Go in!
Mom: I can’t get in the dang door.
Mike: That’s because you’re trying to go at an angle. Turn to the left and walk in. You turned too far. How would a normal person walk into this door?
Mom: I wouldn’t have to maneuver a button to get up through it.