Oh! Oh, god. This is gross.
I know! It’s not real.
I know, but … he’s got a knife sticking out of his him. [My Mom is now hanging upside down, surrounded by hanging corpses. As she observed, one has a knife sticking out of his chest.]
I told you it was a scary game. It’s called The Evil Within. [Looking at the guy with the knife stuck in him.] He doesn’t seem too bothered by it.
He’s dead, that’s why.
No, he’s moving a little. That knife probably missed his internal organs. Here, you have to swing yourself. Use the left stick. Something will fall loose. There you go. Up and down. Up … down. When you get to the apex. Imagine you were actually hitting up and down. There you go, keep swinging. You can grab that knife from him and cut yourself loose. Keep swinging toward that knife.
Ugh. …
Come on, your life’s at stake! You have to get that knife. Use the left stick, Mom. You’re using the right stick. There you go. Back, up, back. Oh!
I’m bad at this.
Keep going, keep going. Got it. [My mom cuts herself loose.]
Ugh. Is that the detective?
Yeah, that’s you. He doesn’t have his gun, so be careful. Go up to that guy and stab him.
I don’t have a knife.
You just had it. Move the camera. You can’t see anything. Alright. Wait — stop, stop. Now, it told you how to sneak. This button, the right bumper, hold it down while you move and you’ll sneak. There you go. Now they can’t hear you. Put the camera up. You can’t see anything.
Don’t yell at me.
I’m not yelling at you. I just don’t want you to die.
Where am I sneaking to?
Up behind that guy. Get the keys. Go back. A, A, A. Oh, gosh. He heard you.
Above: This part had my Mom stuck for a long time.
[The guy cuts my Mom’s head off with a meat clever.]
Aaah! Ugh. Decapitated.
This time, when you sneak, get the keys on your way and then sneak up behind.
I have to do this all over again?
Well, you don’t have to swing again, I bet. There, see? Just go sneak. You’re sighing a lot.
This is stupid.
You can move the bodies when you walk over them. Hold down the right bumper. Now walk over to him. Go right behind him. Go get those keys. Hold down the right bumper and walk to the keys. Look down. Look at them. Now push — yeah. You have to look at them. Move your character. Push A. All right. Now push A and go back to sneak mode and get out of here, quickly. He’s coming back. Uh-oh. Just hide.
How do I hide?
I don’t know. You’re supposed to be faster. He’s back. He’s going to see you. He’s going to decapitate you again. You need to do it faster so you get the keys and get out of there before he comes back.
Oh, I can’t! [My Mom shuts her eyes.]
Above: Visual approximation of my Mom right now.
You don’t have to look at the decapitation.
Oh, god.
It doesn’t do much good when they already cut off your head. Just wait for him when he goes in the back. Grab the keys and come back out. You have to be sneaking the whole time or he’ll hear you. Wait for him to finish his butchering. OK, start moving. Push A. You have to look at them. You have to be facing them. Push A. Yeah. Get out of there. Hold down the right bumper and leave.
I am!
[My Mom is stuck on a screen describing the keys.]
You have to push A first, because you have to read this thing. Backward. The other way, from where you came. Move the camera if you have to. You’re too slow. Get out!
I’m stuck!
He saw you.
How do you know?
Because I heard him!
Gad-dammit.
As soon as you get the keys, go back. You were touching the wall the entire time.
Ugh.
[This goes on for a while.]
How many chances do I get?
You get unlimited chances. Most games don’t have lives anymore. You’re too close! [She gets decapitated again.]
[My Mom laughs.] I think I used up my nine lives.
Well, it’s a good thing a psychopath hasn’t actually kidnapped you, because I don’t think you’d be getting out.
If I had an idea where I was going I would.
You need to get close, but not too close, and hold down that button. You’re sneaking now. He can’t hear you. Wait in the doorway for him to go in the back. Isn’t the lighting nice?
Above: Well, the lighting is nice.
Oh, yeah.
All right. Move. There. Push A. Push A again.
I did.
Now turn the camera. Left. You want to move it up. There. There’s the door. Go, go. You’re not holding down the sneak button. There you go. OK. Now we need to find where the key goes. Just keep looking around the room. There’s a door to the right. Keep going. No, that’s not a door. What’s that one? Turn the camera and look around the room. Every time I say “turn the camera,” you always move it up or down. You’re looking up at the ceiling.
[My Mom sighs heavily.]
Why don’t you go left? Left. Like over there, with the sneak button. Sneak, sneak. Keep going. There’s the door.
Where?
Right over there, the other side of the room. What did you do?
I don’t know.
There it is. Go left. The creepy door. Get out of sneak. It’s a door.
Right there?
Yeah. Let go of the sneak button. Push A. There you go. There. You used the key to get out. All right. Go up the creepy stairs. If I was you, I’d put the camera up so you can see where you’re going, so you don’t run into any more psychopaths.
What?
Well, look at the camera. You can’t see where you’re going. There you go. You gotta work on your camera movement skills.
There’s something behind that wall.
Turn the camera that way so you can see where you’re going. Keep going. There you go. See, you’re on the next hallway. Careful. There’s that other guy. I would keep sneaking. He can probably hear you.
[An alarm goes off.]
That wasn’t your fault. That was supposed to happen.
Shit.
Did you just say the S-word, mom? [My Mom does not swear often.] Just keep running. He’s got a chainsaw. Don’t sneak now. Keep going.
I am going.
Keep running.
Ugh!
He just nipped you with the chain saw.
What do I do?
I don’t know. It could be worse. [My Mom is now stuck in a room with rotating blades on the sides.] Oh, run, run, run.
I am!
Don’t run into the blades. Keep going! Oh no!
[My Mom is cracking up.]
There. You got this.
Are we done yet?
No, you’re not done yet. I want to see you escape.
I’m not gonna escape!
Well, I’m going to see you get back to the swirling blade room of death. You just have to run straighter when you get there.
Where are those other two people there? [She’s talking about the other detectives from the opening movie.]
I don’t know. OK, run now. Straight, very straight. You immediately walked into them! Look. Straight is right up, perfectly up.
I know. My thumb was hurting me.
You’ve been playing like 10 minutes and your thumb’s hurting you? Some people play games for like four hours at a time.
Well, they’re stupid.
That’s what I do! What do you think my job is? OK, straight ahead. You want to go through that little hatch there. Push A. A, A, A. There you go. You’re safe! See? Oh, you’re sliding. Left, left, left. Avoid that gate. Right, right, right. You did it! You made it out on the first try. Now you’re in a pool of blood.
Ew, yuck. My God. I guess I have to climb up that ladder.