ROBORAGE: Newspapers Suck

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This morning I sat at my grandma’s waiting for breakfast. I looked over and saw Northeast Florida’s very own Florida Times Union. Newspaper huh? They still make these things apparently. I went to the sports page as I drank my hot chocolate knowing just what I’d find. Stories about how terrible the Jaguars are and how there will be no hope for them ever. Typical. I then flipped through looking for the NHL section. Disappointingly I saw only a tiny section devoted to simply scores and quick recaps. While I expected the lack of coverage, it still made me a little upset. The Florida Times Union was already off to a bad start.

Things were looking up. My breakfast was ready. There sitting on my plate were two eggs over medium, a fluffy biscuit, and a nice pile of corned beef hash. It was the strangely delicious corned beef hash from a can too. You know, the stuff where the potatoes are tiny perfect cubes? Man, that’s good stuff. As I was about to try and fit it all into a biscuit I glanced at the newspaper again. Life huh? That’s where the comics are! So I quickly read Garfield, then pictured the strip without the cat, which made for an even better laugh. I turned back to the front and saw the words “Video Game Releases.” Since when did the newspaper care about video games?

I flipped to D-4 to see a small section with a list of games that were coming out this week. I slowly read as I chewed my food, like any good citizen would. Then my mouth opened up without warning and I stared at the newsprint my mouth agape. It took me a moment to realize what I was seeing. At first I wanted to pound at my HTC Incredible 2 to search online for an explanation. Did something happen overnight at Capcom? I kept reading and my hopes we crushed even more. Below is a picture of what I saw.

 

To read this rant in it's entirty, please visit RoboAwesome.