6 horribly depressing things Google says YouTube can teach us about humanity (NSFW)

During a presentation today at the Cannes Lions International Festival of Creativity, two Google executives began their talk with the usual digital utopian stuff about all the wonderful things that the Internet is doing for humanity.

But, this was a panel about the challenges of exercising freedom of speech in the digital age. So very quickly, Google’s David Drummond, senior vice president of corporate development, and Victoria Grand, director of policy strategy, plunged us into the heart of digital darkness.

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Overall, the pair were trying to point out the struggles YouTube faces every day in trying to determine what kind of content is allowed, given a general ban on nudity and violence. At various points, they’d show the audience explicit videos and then ask them to vote about whether they’d allow it or not.

But, along the way, they noted six things that had me shaking my head and wondering how humans had not already driven themselves into extinction:

1. According to Google, videos involving people lighting themselves on fire and then daring other people to do the same are a thing. They showed one as an example. These are banned from YouTube.
2. There is a fetish called “Pedal Pushers” which involves videos of women who dress up in high heels and then press the accelerator of a car. It was unclear whether this was allowed, and I wasn’t going to search to find out.
3. Asphyxiation videos are a thing. Not sexual, mind you. Just two people in a room, one choking the other to near death just for the rush and sensation. They showed a partial example involving two teenagers. (I’m locking my kids in their room alone forever.) Not allowed, by the way.
4. People spraying an entire bottle of Lynx body spray into their mouth is a thing. This is allowed on YouTube, but I’m not posting a link, you sickos.
5. Gangnam Style, the most-watched video ever on YouTube, still gets 1 MILLION VIEWS EVERY DAY! But I’m not posting a link, you sickos.
6. Videos of people riding a skateboard while doing a beer bong are a thing. Again, I’m fuzzy on whether these are allowed. Again, not checking.

Ah, what the hell: